Showing posts from 2006


My husband got through his operation.I think in my last post I mentioned that he had a surgery planned in January.Well,We went to his pre admission check up,and after examination,they arranged "IMMEDIATE" surgery.The operation was four hours.It is a week today that we were wondering what effects would happen and When?
The doctors advised us that he will be recovering for at least 3 months.
My Christmas Blessing is to have him back with me.We have been given a little longer.

My health is holding up.My lungs are painful at times lately though.I find it is starting to hurt when I breathe.I know though that I must kick in more now that my husband needs me,so I will be strong enough.
I see my cancer Doctor at the end of January.I am getting worried on that appointment.I feel like the cancer has spread into my other lung.If the cancer isn't spreading,then as we speak I must have pneumonia,again."The lesser of two evils".

I am strong and will be able to get through these t…


My doctor appointment is January 31st.I will find out if I have reached "stage 2" in my "lung cancer'.I have just had and am having a new crisis..My husband has been discovered to have an aneurysm in his aorta.In laymen terms ,he can have a heart attack at any second,
We went to the hospital 4 days ago,they were ready to operate with open heart surgery.He was told that they would operate on January 2nd.
I have always been one to be possitive.I am now utterly in shock with this happening.
How much more can one handle.
My husband and I have been together for 41 years.He looks after me.Now What.
I am myself still recovering from my"lobectomy'8 months ago.We are still both in our fifties.This is one heck of a test or something.
My husband has always looked after me and all the responsibilities.I do not want to focus on me right now either so it is tough with me knowing that I will die soon,and even more frightening to not know when or if my husband is not far behind…


This morning I am contemplating.I am not sure if I am sick or well.It seems to me that all the real stuff like "lung cancer' and "emphysema" have got me thinking that I am in pretty bad shape.The thing is I do not feel as bad,yet,as it seems to say.
I have good days and bad days.I am limited on some things.The confusion comes with the waiting.
I do not want to wake up every day and feel that this might be the end.I have not had cancer before,so I really do not know the symptoms that will tell me it is over.
I still try to plan the week,month or following year.I am still thinking positive.

I am not that knowledgeable as to the step to step,day to day,progress on this disease.I do shudder though as I read all the clinical reports on here,and talk to friends who have lost loved ones.
I know this is going to hurt.I know that it will hit fast and hard.I also know I do not want to KNOW!

I do want to be fully educated on "lung cancer",as far as medical facts go.I allow…

Recalling the Day of my Lung Cancer Operation

I am now recalling the day of my lung operation.
I know I was just not ready to say good-bye.
I was 6:00A.M,and it being February ,a very cold,blustery winter day.I arrived to the hospital pre admission clinic.There was hardly anyone around at that time in the morning.I felt so alone.
My husband was with me but I didn't have my mom or my children near.I just knew I could not go out this way.I ,of course,like most people,did not have a plan to die.I guess now,I figure,I would at least choose to have family around.I want someone or everyone to know that I am at peace when I pass.It would have been too much of a shock to my family if I died from the "lobectomy".That was february28th.This is now.This is reflection.
Now ,I will have to think about death again.Now,this time I will hope to plan a little better.
I have been reading a lot on the lung cancer issue on here.I do know that I will get bad,and then I will get worse.I also know that time is short,and that no time can be allo…

Authenticating Myself

Having a fatal disease sure makes one think about a lot of different things.
I have been trying to find the REAL me.
I mean,I am a daughter ,a wife,a mother,and I still really do not even know who I am.Maybe that sounds crazy???or...Is there a lot of you out there that feel the same?
I have had a philosophy,or favorite saying for many years.I have always said that I did not ever want to lie dying with any Regrets.
I have been coming to terms with others over the last few years.
I have had a lot of atoning to do to the people in my life that I hurt when i was drinking.There is not a day that goes by that I do not atone to myself.
I guess doing those daily things will eventually lead up to the No regrets.
I also have to face that I am here and now.I must still tend to my daily agenda of being a wife to my husband.I still call my mother twice a day .I am Thankful that two of my three children are within a few miles of me.My mother is not near me,and it is tough.I have not told her about my canc…


Good Afternoon;
Have you ever sat and wondered ,What you were here for?
Do you ever think that there is a different plan for you,perhaps another path to travel,than the one your on?
I have sure been changing a lot of my thoughts lately.I definitely BELIEVE,that there is a great plan for us,already drawn out.How else can I explain all the great escapes I have made in the last 10 years.
Every time I have been diagnosed with a life threatening illness,I have survived!I was given 3 months to live in 2002,and was told I needed a liver transplant.I continued to drink for a few more months than,just woke up one morning and never drank again.My liver managed to maintain itself and the bad numbers came down.One of my first escapes.
In January 1996,I had a mammogram that showed a tumor in my breast.I went through the denial for a few months,then I went into the hospital,totally expecting,and was actually prepared for,a breast biopsy,which at that point might have been a mastectomy.I got blessed agai…


.The sun is shining ever so brightly,and I feel Good!
I have been writing this journal since April and have come to realise that a lot of my new readers are not familiar with the gist of this blog.I have archived all my posts,but to me they are not in the order I would like.I would really like to start from the beginning on this,if you can bear with me;
In June of 2002 I was diagnosed with "cirrhosis" of the liver.I was told I had three months to live.I stopped drinking ,on my own ,and my livers enzymes have almost returned to normal.I was a mess back then.I had gotten down to 89 pounds and was very weak and sick,I was dying.
I was,and still am on the recovery for that.Now I have a lot more on my plate.
Last year I had an EKG and it showed I had had a heart attack.I went to a doctor and he said that the EKG could have shown a disorder of the lungs.I had a chest x-ray and a Pulmonary Function Test.I received a call in late Oct.05,that I definitely had pneumonia,but there was anot…


HAPPY THANKSGIVING! How many times do we complain?How many times have we wished we were someone or somewhere else?

I have been counting my blessings lately.
I have a home.I have a car, {an older one}.
I have a husband and three great grown children.

How many times do You count your blessings?

I can walk,I can talk,I am still a little able to get around.I am so ever Thankful!

I have had surgery{lobectomy}.a removal of part of my lung Feb.28th.
I have had a mammogram that was iffy and I waited for 14 days after a core biopsy of my breast to find out,It wasn't Cancer.
I survived my bout of alcohol abuse and "cirrhosis" of the liver in 2002.
I am alive almost two years later after being Diagnosed with LUNG CANCER.
And you know what?,I count my blessings every day.
I can whine and complain all day ,then I hear the news or from a friend that someone has passed away or has cancer or has died ,and I stop and think How very Lucky I am.

And ,you know what?I count my blessings every night.

I co…

Does Knowing Make It Better

This image shows the lungs.In my case I had the right top lobe removed in a procedure called a"lobectomy".
Bronchioloalveolar Carcinoma is the Diagnosis of my Lung Cancer,also known as BAC.
I have been doing a lot of research on this type of cancer.It is one of the rarest of lung cancers.It accounts for only 4 to 17% of the cancers in the lung.This is also a Non-Smoking cancer.Oh Yes,You get it if you smoke,but you also get it if you don"t.
I think therefore my point is;This is not neccessarily all of my fault!Yes,I smoked,but does that cause you to feel less sorry for me?
Most of the viewpoints,from what I have read,say that it is our fault.I tend to disagree.
Some smokers will also die of being struck down by a bus,does that mean they asked for it?
Fate has its way of dealing out our punishments,one way or another.
On a happier note,Fate also deals out rewards.
So,I am doing all this research on "BAC",the short term for the big word.I keep reading clinical reports,a…


After my last post,I feel I should start again from the beginning,to get to where I am now.I hope that makes sense,if not let me explain.

All of my troubles and woes began upon receiving a Diagnosis of "Lung Cancer".That fateful day was February15th,this year.
I must suggest you read my previous posts,starting from"Welcome" ,to understand where I am going from here.

I would like to start anew in my life as well as on my blog.I have decided to write about the new events that are beginning,because of that diagnosis.

It hasn't changed me in negative ways at all,just more positive.

My cancer is non-small cell stage 1.I know some of you have been asking.My prognosis is a day to day situation.

Before I go on,and on,and on,I must again Thank You all for your comments and your blessings.This is what This BLOG is all about!

I also welcome you who are new and have possibly had or know someone who has had Lung Cancer,and feel that there is No hope.I think if you read on,you …


I am the happiest today!
I went to my six month appointment today .The doctor says the cancer has NOT come back.
It seems I have wasted so much time,wasting so much time.
I found myself not planning too far ahead these last seven months.I would start to think of things in the future,then the reality on the cancer issue would always come through .
Today I felt a renewal of all my hopes and dreams.Today I start living for Tomorrow.
I still have a few minor ailments to consider,nothing I will concern myself about too much at this time.
I will definately continue to write this blog,as I have made a lot of friends through this.
Again,I would like to Thank all of you for your concern and your prayers.Please stay with me on my journey,as I flounder my way to another stage of this precious Life.
Those of you who have read my previous posts will remember that I have tasted Death 3 times in the last four years.
I am definetly stronger,and I will Never take a moment for granted again.



Hello,my friends.
I was fortunate enough to receive these "Quotes" in one of my e-mails.
I feel it speaks about a lot I believe.I hope you can take something away from them also.

Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. ~ Chinese Proverb ~

Pain and Suffering is inevitable but Misery is optional. ~ Unknown ~

Your success is only limited by your desire. ~ Unknown ~

We cannot become who we need to be by remaining who we are. ~ Unknown ~

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new lands, but in seeing with new eyes. ~ Marcel Proust ~

The mind that made you sick can also make you well. ~ Unknown ~

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet, and two others at first speech are old friends. ~ Unknown ~

To love and be loved is to feel the sun on both sides. ~ David Viscott ~

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~ James Dean ~

Anyone who thinks the sky is the limit, has a limited…


SIX MONTHS and I am still sticking around.
Time seems,at times,to move so slow,and yet it goes by so fast.
Where have I been this last little while?What have I accomplished?Could I have spent my time more wisely?
Is there a Bigger Plan in store?
These are not just questions I am asking today,these are the queries I encounter everyday.
I think though that at times we are not necessarily the ones that should answer our own questions.I am starting to think,that perhaps I might require others opinions.

I would like to make mention,that those of you who are now just new to my journal,that you might want to check out my previous posts ,to kind of get the drift of these ramblings.

I am still in limbo,as I wait for my six month check up.I have had no follow up since April.I will see the surgeon that performed my "Lobectomy" on my Lung,on September13th.
I am scared,damn it!,But I am tough as well.
It is a real challenge to know the truth of this deadly disease,but yet to try to convince yours…


I received wonderful news on my breast "biopsy".There is NO malignancy!
I finally exhaled.It had been a worrisome time for me ,with the waiting for the diagnosis.
My friend from my doctors office informed me and with that I said ",Thank You,You have made my Life"
It seemed to me to not be so trivial this time with the mammagram and things. After all,they had Diagnosed Lung Cancer already and the area in my breast that had raised the concern,was within centimeters of where they had removed the right lobe of my lung.
The finding of that biopsy,has really made me want to smile,again!
Again,I have been very BLESSED!
I feel like ,if they were able to have cut my cancer clean,and it has not spread when I go on August26th,then you know What,
I might have another chance for another few months or years,hopefully.
How about you all say a little prayer for me,and maybe ,just maybe,It could happen.
By the way,I chose to have the biopsy on my breast,I knew it might hurt and I knew that …

Diagnosis: LUNG CANCER

Welcome,For those of you that are new to my site,and perhaps some regulars,I have decided to do a re-cap on the last 4 months.
I believe I have been drifting into other areas of emotion lately,rather than explaining why I am here.
Emotion is the very biggest part of this for me,but I will remind you all medically why I am here in the first place.

In October of 2005, aroutine chest x-ray revealed a spot on my lung.A CT scan was then taken on January 26th 2006.My doctor called me into his office on February1st.I was to see a surgeon February15th.Well.I figured it was to see about a small biopsy ,just to see if there was anything to worry about.Well, Surprise,Surprise.A ten minute discussion revealed to me that he would perform a "Lobectomy" on my lung on February28th.Whoa,just a minute here,I could hear myself thinking and sinking.That ,I believe is when the shock set in and is still the same shock as with me now.
Grant it,I have come a long way.I was very blessed in my case.T…

You can Bitch,You can Cry,but you cant RUN!

The "emphysema is starting to show itself
I went from walking the mall to not getting to the car to get to the mall.
I have always had plans to visit Las Vegas,and walk the famous"strip". I suppose I can't.Goes to show we should "Do it Now" in our lives and not put everything off til tomorrow.What good is planning?
I do have plans for tommorow.I am having a "core biopsy" done on my breast.The after math warnings are reading to me a lot more scariar than my "Lobectomy,"{the removal of a lobe on the lung}.
The warnings consist of bleeding and/or infection.That is not the bad part.The real hard blow comes when they get the results.
When I get the dreaded results that there is malignancy,I again will have to face some curves in the road.
I was blessed and fortunate to have survived,so far, the Lobectomy and the lung cancer,I just Pray my spirits will stay up to get through this round again.
I will of course be reading and educa…

Just a little more time,SOMETIME,Please!

LUNG CANCER:One more month,one more week,Please Lord,just one more day.
I seem to be running so fast and going nowhere slowly.There seems to be so much more that I want to be accomplished,so much more to do.The thing is...I do not know what that is yet.Sure ,there are the basics.I must see that as a mother, I have left my children good memories of me.I must assure my husband that every moment I have spent with him was never wasted.I must give calls to everyone that I remember that have helped or touched me in my life.I must,I must.
I also MUST remember to remember myself through all this .SOMETIMES , now I want to stop and just reflect on what has happened to me so quickly.SOMETIMES, I want to be selfish and rest.SOMETIMES, I don't want to think of anything but flowers and sunshine,and SOMETIMES, I just don't want to Think!
Lately,as I feel that I don't accomplish everything I want to,I feel a little let down.
I know I am doing well ,with what I have done,but I hope I never st…


Yes!The title is for real.If you are new here and have not read my previous posts I will update you.

In May2002,I was diagnosed with" cirrhosis of the liver".I was a heavy drinker at the time, and with the fact that I hardly ate I was down to 89lbs.The Dr. said I had maybe 3 months to live if I didnt stop drinking.Well, my right mind set in and I was able to quit the drinking.
My doctors were amazed at my recovery as I looked and felt a 100% better.
By this time also ,I was having shortness of breath,but I was so happy in my sobriety ,that I didnt pay attention.That was in 2004.
Time went on ,[mind you,I fought every day to stay sober} and then in October 2005 I got a call from my doctor,saying The EKG showed a Heart attack! Well,then the tests began.I had a pulmonary function test.The test measures breathing capacities.Well,I Failed.An xray was ordered of my chest and I was told there was a spot on my lung.
Well,My mom was coming for christmas that year and no way did I want to …

HEART full of SOUL

"I believe in every drop of rain that falls,A flower grows"

Isn't that just the way it is?
I have been finding a peace within myself as late.
Could this be the"Acceptance"?
I am pretty sure I have been through all the other emotions.
It is kind of chilling to accept ones fate.
Does this mean that I will have to settle?I am not sure if acceptance of my fate with"LUNG CANCER" is as important as trying NOT to accept it.
If I am to live with thoughts of planning my Death,How can I keep planning my Life?
I suppose one must come to a happy medium somewhere along the way.
I will think more of Death,I suppose,when I am in pain and lying in bed.
Right now I hope to enjoy my Life when I am well and able.

I look forward to talking to you again soon.




WELCOME:The days sure seem to be going too fast for me now.I feel like I have to try to live 30 years in 2.
I am starting to slow down in some things.I am finding that I am thinking more about the reality of all this.
I guess I have gone through the denial stage.I have been angry at times,but now I feel a few tears now and again.

I do not work so I do not have a lot of people around me to really talk to.I find that coming on here is a wonderful outlet for a lot of my feelings.

The tears I have cried,have not been for me.I think of the sadness it will bring to my children.
I guess as mothers we always feel that" we" keep the family together.I do know that I have provided them with the best I could to be prepared to deal with this.

I dont cry a lot ,in fact I havent cried for years.I wont get down and feel that way for long.
Time is of the essence now and I hope to spend it Happy!


Thank You for coming by....

LUNG CANCER:Where do I go from Here?

Hello! I have mentioned that I am a newly diagnosed "lung cancer" person.I am also a confused lung cancer person.

I had a lobectomy on Feb.28th,was released from hospital on Mar.3rd.That is the wonderful news.
The problem now is "Where do I go from here?"
I am doing research all the time on this disease,I am reading other blogs that discuss this,the thing is, I do not know what the next step to take will be for me???
I would like to ask those of you who are reading this ,and have "lung cancer" or know someone that has,to please send me your story.
I am new at this blog,but most of all I am new to this whole new situation of survival ahead of me.

Please come back and visit again as I will always have some more news for you.

Thank You for coming by;



I really did not think that I would be alive today to be telling you these stories.

Four months ago,I wrote a living will.I also wrote letters to each of my children and my mother.I phoned my dearest friends and tried so hard not to cry when inside we both knew it might be the last time we spoke.
I had come to peace with myself and my God.
I was ready to DIE!

I had already been through this in May of 2002.I was given 3 months to live then ,with the diagnosis of " cirrhosis".
During the last three years I was fighting everyday to get back all my senses of reality again.
I had gone through photo albums and asked friends things that I had forgotten through all the memory black outs in the past.I fought everyday and countless hours to get to where I am today. I had stopped drinking four years ago and have not looked back.My health was back,my liver enzymes had returned to normal and i was all set to go.
Then it happened.DIAGNOSIS: LUNG CANCER:

If you read my previous points you wi…

Extra!Extra!Read all about it!

The results are in.The pathology report was given to me last week.
Right upper lobe of lung;"BRONCHIOLOALVEOLAR CARCINOMA".
In laymens terms,it WAS Lung Cancer.
It seems that it had not spread to other areas,as of yet.I am so glad that I did not put the operation off,as I had first intended.
Unfortunately though the journey is not over yet.They have found a lump on my breast and I will be having a biopsy next week to determine the outcome of that.
This all just began on Feb.1st and I have had one major operation",Lobectomy",and now this deal with a breast cancer suspicion.
I am also happy though to report that I have quit smoking.It has taken me a bit but I am moving along well with a lot of changes.
They have also confirmed"SUBPLEURAL EMPHYSEMATOUS BULLAE" are present in my lungs.Yes,I have emphysema also.
I do however want to share with you that I am still of good spirit,and I believe that state of mind has been the biggest factor in my quick recovery.
I will le…

Changing Channels

The lifestyle changes that I must adhere by are not coming easy.
I have found my "niche" more or less in the last 50 years and those habits whether good or bad are very instilled in me.
Every minute of every hour I have been trying to change my thought patterns on "smoking"I am reading all sorts of articles on quitting and successes and tell myself many times a day how horrible cigarettes truly are, and how now I will have to change my whole day,every day for the rest of my life.
I can no longer wake up to that cup of coffee and that cigarette ,that I so much enjoyed for 40 years instead, my choice is orange juice and a few hours on here,which I enjoy very much.The good thing being that I can not type and hold a smoke at the same time.
I know I can do it though as others have before me.
A lot of other points in my life are changing as well,I really am starting to notice sunsets, hear the birds singing and all that good stuff we all tend to take for granted.All of th…

Is this MY fault?

I guess I shouldn't cry the blues,after all,I have been the cause of most,if not all of my illnesses.
"Smoking causes Cancer"How many times have I seen this,heard this,and known this?
What was I thinking?
I have smoked and drank for many years,not exercised,nor have I maintained a proper diet.
I do NOT expect you to feel sorry for me.I do however know that I am not the only recipient of Cancer that didn't stick to the rules.
Now Look at Me!
I really wonder if this old dog,can learn new tricks.
We shall see......

Lung Cancer,Liver Disease,COPD

Writing this "BLOG" just makes me realize how very fortunate I am.My list of rather scary health conditions are able to sink in more as I read this.I sometimes feel like I am writing in the third person.
Yes,I have COPD as well.That to me seems like a petty thing compared to the removal of my lung lobe and cancer.I know though that every day I notice more shortness of breath and easy tasks become tiring.
My point,really is though,That I feel Well!
My spirit remains high and I am not ill.I am really not disabled in anyway.
I am of course in the very first stages of this "cancer" business.I am also aware of the many trials I must go through in the near future.
I have a lot of good people in my life and I know that will surely aide me in the days ahead.


Common Sense?

I will try to fill in some of the blanks.Prior to my diagnosis of "lung Cancer"I had been through 3 years of life style changes as well.I was told I had "cirrohsis"in 2002 and that I would require a liver transplant.I was also told i would have less than 3 months to live,but there would be more hope if I was able to stop drinking.I was quite a drinker for many years.I managed on my own to stop drinking .I had no help from AA or any doctors,Just my own will.
I have been dealing with this til February 1 this year ,when the lung cnacer came through.
With only a 5 minute visit to a surgeon and no previous knowledge,or compassion from anybody I was told my only option was a lobectomy.That is the removal of an entire lobe of the lung.That was on Feb.15th.They would operate February28th.
The medical odds were against me.My liver had returned to a safer situation,but I had emphysema,Angina,High Blood pressure and I had had a previous seizure a few years back.The doct…


Welcome! I have just been recently diagnosed with "Lung Cancer"February 1 and received a "Lobectomy"on February 28th.
This "Blog"will be about all my breaths taken in the months to come.I had no previous warning of the cancer so I am not full of myths or misconceptions from others or myself.I hope to educate myself on my new found illness and to try to share some of my self discoveries and diagnosisis with you.
I look forward to hearing from you on any and all of my posts.
Thank You for listening!