Custom Search

Friday, December 29, 2006


My husband got through his operation.I think in my last post I mentioned that he had a surgery planned in January.Well,We went to his pre admission check up,and after examination,they arranged "IMMEDIATE" surgery.The operation was four hours.It is a week today that we were wondering what effects would happen and When?
The doctors advised us that he will be recovering for at least 3 months.
My Christmas Blessing is to have him back with me.We have been given a little longer.

My health is holding up.My lungs are painful at times lately though.I find it is starting to hurt when I breathe.I know though that I must kick in more now that my husband needs me,so I will be strong enough.
I see my cancer Doctor at the end of January.I am getting worried on that appointment.I feel like the cancer has spread into my other lung.If the cancer isn't spreading,then as we speak I must have pneumonia,again."The lesser of two evils".

I am strong and will be able to get through these tests.I will be looking forward to the New Year with hope.
I also know Now,that the FOCUS is not on "ME" .My husband has spent the last four years at my beck and call.He was in hospital after hospital wih me .
Sometimes I feel like I want the spotlight on "me",but this time I want the light to shine on him.
I know that he can maybe live a normal life to a ripe age,if this new aorta valve works alright.
I know that "cancer is what it is."I would much rather put effort into a living plant,than a dying one.
I do promise myself ,that I will take very good care of myself!
I am a very strong woman!
Thank You all again for your readings of my story.I appreciate that you take the time to comment,and most of all I appreciate YOU.

Wishing You All a Very Happy and Healthy New Year


Thursday, December 14, 2006


My doctor appointment is January 31st.I will find out if I have reached "stage 2" in my "lung cancer'.I have just had and am having a new crisis..My husband has been discovered to have an aneurysm in his aorta.In laymen terms ,he can have a heart attack at any second,
We went to the hospital 4 days ago,they were ready to operate with open heart surgery.He was told that they would operate on January 2nd.
I have always been one to be possitive.I am now utterly in shock with this happening.
How much more can one handle.
My husband and I have been together for 41 years.He looks after me.Now What.
I am myself still recovering from my"lobectomy'8 months ago.We are still both in our fifties.This is one heck of a test or something.
My husband has always looked after me and all the responsibilities.I do not want to focus on me right now either so it is tough with me knowing that I will die soon,and even more frightening to not know when or if my husband is not far behind me.
I am so scared.
I am more afraid now,then when I was diagnosed with "lung cancer'.
My husband,if he survives,will have a six month recovery period.I do not drive and we live in the rural area.I do have 2 sons,but they do not have a car.I will need to be with him,so I might stay in a hostel til he can come home.
The dignosis of cancer is the most devastating,but losing someone you love sure comes close.
Thank You again for letting me share some of my problems,as well as my accomplishments with you.It feels good to talk.
Toward the Christmas and during the New Year I will probably not post for awhile. love hearing from you all'

Wishing You a very "MERRY CHRISTMAS" and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!



Sunday, November 19, 2006


This morning I am contemplating.I am not sure if I am sick or well.It seems to me that all the real stuff like "lung cancer' and "emphysema" have got me thinking that I am in pretty bad shape.The thing is I do not feel as bad,yet,as it seems to say.
I have good days and bad days.I am limited on some things.The confusion comes with the waiting.
I do not want to wake up every day and feel that this might be the end.I have not had cancer before,so I really do not know the symptoms that will tell me it is over.
I still try to plan the week,month or following year.I am still thinking positive.

I am not that knowledgeable as to the step to step,day to day,progress on this disease.I do shudder though as I read all the clinical reports on here,and talk to friends who have lost loved ones.
I know this is going to hurt.I know that it will hit fast and hard.I also know I do not want to KNOW!

I do want to be fully educated on "lung cancer",as far as medical facts go.I allow myself to keep up to date as far as doctors appointments and such.I allow myself to sort of think,once in a while,about a will I should possibly make.
I do not want to allow myself to see into the future where I am saying good-bye to all the people who I have loved.I do not allow myself to think of the horrible physical pain I will be in.

But I am starting to Allow myself to accept this;

Now comes the dealing with it part.I have written a lot of posts on here and we all know that most of them are positive,but I am starting to think that some of them should start to be negative as well.
I know that I am not going to go through this like a magic ferry .I would like to,but that wont happen.
Maybe this is the acceptance stage.I am not too sure I am going to like this one.

I would like to Thank You all again for dropping by and leaving the wonderful,caring,and genuine comments.
I also welcome you to write me and let me know how you feel about this post or any of the others.I like feedback!



Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Recalling the Day of my Lung Cancer Operation

I am now recalling the day of my lung operation.
I know I was just not ready to say good-bye.
I was 6:00A.M,and it being February ,a very cold,blustery winter day.I arrived to the hospital pre admission clinic.There was hardly anyone around at that time in the morning.I felt so alone.
My husband was with me but I didn't have my mom or my children near.I just knew I could not go out this way.I ,of course,like most people,did not have a plan to die.I guess now,I figure,I would at least choose to have family around.I want someone or everyone to know that I am at peace when I pass.It would have been too much of a shock to my family if I died from the "lobectomy".That was february28th.This is now.This is reflection.
Now ,I will have to think about death again.Now,this time I will hope to plan a little better.
I have been reading a lot on the lung cancer issue on here.I do know that I will get bad,and then I will get worse.I also know that time is short,and that no time can be alloted to worrying about it.
This time I will arrange for the ones I love to know about my disease and to educate them on the prognosis.I will have arranged a hospital or care facility to look after me.I will not be alone next time.
To all of you that are reading this blog and commenting,Thank You!
There is still a little hope after a diagnosis of "Lung Cancer",and I am living proof!
The operation saved my life.I was very blessed to have the cancer diagnosed at an early stage.I think they may have got it.I pray that I will remain free of it spreading for a while to come.
Til next time.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Authenticating Myself

Having a fatal disease sure makes one think about a lot of different things.
I have been trying to find the REAL me.
I mean,I am a daughter ,a wife,a mother,and I still really do not even know who I am.Maybe that sounds crazy???or...Is there a lot of you out there that feel the same?
I have had a philosophy,or favorite saying for many years.I have always said that I did not ever want to lie dying with any Regrets.
I have been coming to terms with others over the last few years.
I have had a lot of atoning to do to the people in my life that I hurt when i was drinking.There is not a day that goes by that I do not atone to myself.
I guess doing those daily things will eventually lead up to the No regrets.
I also have to face that I am here and now.I must still tend to my daily agenda of being a wife to my husband.I still call my mother twice a day .I am Thankful that two of my three children are within a few miles of me.My mother is not near me,and it is tough.I have not told her about my cancer.I feel that she could not do anything about it and I love her enough, not to worry her.It seems,sometimes that after I do all those responsibilities there is so little time to take for looking inside MYSELF.
I do not come from the "Me,Myself and I"generation.I am from the"Leave it to Beaver" series.Actually,I think my generation kind of got stuck in the middle.
I guess my point is that,I am trying to "Authenticate"myself.
The hard thing to do, is to try to think about a beginning,while you are thinking about the end,.I feel that is a dilemma in itself;.
I am not dealing with a lot of the options,I have had previously.I am dealing with an income that has dropped by $1000.00 a month and medical bills that are taking a toll.I am unable to work,and have now applied to CPP for a disability pension,but they have taken three years already and still no check or progress.
I do have my computer,and the use of my arms and legs.I have music.I have stories to tell,and I have all of you,who take the time to care.
I am going to authenticate myself through my daily journey,as one day at a time is ALL I have right now.
Thank You all again for bearing with me on this rollar coaster ride.I will say though,through the clouds in the sky,I still do see a beautiful shining Sun!
I have not gotten any news from the doctors on my latest tests.I always think that no news is good news.I am at the point of waiting for that next check-up.The day when they tell you whether or not the Cancer has spread.
I am using a few inhalers,andI am very fortunate that I do not have too many other pills,as those sprayers are so expensive!
Today,I am looking forward to having a visit from both of my sons.I am truly Blessed.
I will close this short post for now,



Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Good Afternoon;
Have you ever sat and wondered ,What you were here for?
Do you ever think that there is a different plan for you,perhaps another path to travel,than the one your on?
I have sure been changing a lot of my thoughts lately.I definitely BELIEVE,that there is a great plan for us,already drawn out.How else can I explain all the great escapes I have made in the last 10 years.
Every time I have been diagnosed with a life threatening illness,I have survived!I was given 3 months to live in 2002,and was told I needed a liver transplant.I continued to drink for a few more months than,just woke up one morning and never drank again.My liver managed to maintain itself and the bad numbers came down.One of my first escapes.
In January 1996,I had a mammogram that showed a tumor in my breast.I went through the denial for a few months,then I went into the hospital,totally expecting,and was actually prepared for,a breast biopsy,which at that point might have been a mastectomy.I got blessed again,as the Dr. on that day,thought she would have another look at the xray.She decided that it was only 6 cysts and aspirated them.I escaped again.
May 30th,2005.I have a car accident.The car was totalled.I walked away,just suffering whiplash and a bruise or two.Another blessing,miracle,or all part of the PLAN?
This brings up to now.
February 1st; 2006;Diagnosis:Emphysema and Lung Cancer.
Question: Can I escape from this????
Maybe I can and maybe I can't.I really do believe there is a Plan for us,and when it is your time,There is NO ESCAPE.
Do we call these miracles,blessings ,or just a whisper before the scream?I do believe that someone has plans for my life,but darned if I can figure out what they are.Then again,If it IS already plotted out,doI just sit here and wait.?I know I can not sit still for more than five minutes so I really do not plan to wait around.I plan to take that first step,and know that I am definitely not alone and that I do have the strength and the courage to ESCAPE again.I also plan on having a good time looking for the right road to travel,and with the luck I have had lately,I will surely enjoy the trip.
Now with my positive attitude back again ,I bid you adieu for now.

I really must say a big THANK YOU to all of you who have left your comments.Each and every word from each and everyone of you,help make my days so much brighter..



Saturday, October 14, 2006


.The sun is shining ever so brightly,and I feel Good!
I have been writing this journal since April and have come to realise that a lot of my new readers are not familiar with the gist of this blog.I have archived all my posts,but to me they are not in the order I would like.I would really like to start from the beginning on this,if you can bear with me;
In June of 2002 I was diagnosed with "cirrhosis" of the liver.I was told I had three months to live.I stopped drinking ,on my own ,and my livers enzymes have almost returned to normal.I was a mess back then.I had gotten down to 89 pounds and was very weak and sick,I was dying.
I was,and still am on the recovery for that.Now I have a lot more on my plate.
Last year I had an EKG and it showed I had had a heart attack.I went to a doctor and he said that the EKG could have shown a disorder of the lungs.I had a chest x-ray and a Pulmonary Function Test.I received a call in late Oct.05,that I definitely had pneumonia,but there was another spot on my lung that they wanted to investigate further.On January 26th a CT scan revealed a tumor on the right lung.I saw a surgeon on February15th and my "lobectomy" on my lung was performed on February28th.I made the operation,and I am still alive today ,22 months later.
Now,I hope that you are up to date.
My idea,on this blog ,in the beginning ,was that it helped me get through a lot by being able to "Talk" on here.I have now realised another purpose,and that is to maybe help someone who is going through this to understand the HUMAN side of this dreaded Cancer.
I have had all the steps to climb.I have had the anger,the sorrow,the Why Me?,all of those emotions.I also have another emotion,and that my friends is HOPE.
I still have my fears of my liver failing,I dread that my cancer will spread even further,even quicker,but there is something inside me that keeps me going.I am sure there is some reason that I am still here,and I want to keep searching just to see what it is.
Please read my previous posts as it will be easier to understand,then if you are just reading a page or two.
Thank You all for listening,and remember......

Monday, October 09, 2006


HAPPY THANKSGIVING! How many times do we complain?How many times have we wished we were someone or somewhere else?

I have been counting my blessings lately.
I have a home.I have a car, {an older one}.
I have a husband and three great grown children.

How many times do You count your blessings?

I can walk,I can talk,I am still a little able to get around.I am so ever Thankful!

I have had surgery{lobectomy}.a removal of part of my lung Feb.28th.
I have had a mammogram that was iffy and I waited for 14 days after a core biopsy of my breast to find out,It wasn't Cancer.
I sur vived my bout of alcohol abuse and "cirrhosis" of the liver in 2002.
I am alive almost two years later after being Diagnosed with LUNG CANCER.
And you know what?,I count my blessings every day.
I can whine and complain all day ,then I hear the news or from a friend that someone has passed away or has cancer or has died ,and I stop and think How very Lucky I am.

And ,you know what?I count my blessings every night.

I count to ten now before I complain about mundane things.
I never want to Die with regrets and I am now counting days, as I have few left.
I am really saying,Do what you have to do NOW,



Saturday, September 30, 2006

Does Knowing Make It Better

This image shows the lungs.In my case I had the right top lobe removed in a procedure called a"lobectomy".
Bronchioloalveolar Carcinoma is the Diagnosis of my Lung Cancer,also known as BAC.
I have been doing a lot of research on this type of cancer.It is one of the rarest of lung cancers.It accounts for only 4 to 17% of the cancers in the lung.This is also a Non-Smoking cancer.Oh Yes,You get it if you smoke,but you also get it if you don"t.
I think therefore my point is;This is not neccessarily all of my fault!Yes,I smoked,but does that cause you to feel less sorry for me?
Most of the viewpoints,from what I have read,say that it is our fault.I tend to disagree.
Some smokers will also die of being struck down by a bus,does that mean they asked for it?
Fate has its way of dealing out our punishments,one way or another.
On a happier note,Fate also deals out rewards.
So,I am doing all this research on "BAC",the short term for the big word.I keep reading clinical reports,and the outlook sure is not good.I want to be educated so I can be able to make the right decisions,but all I am doing so far is scaring the hell out of myself.
I do not know if I really want to know when I am going to die.Would You?
Interesting question for debate?
So I ask you
Does Knowing,Make it Better???

Monday, September 25, 2006


After my last post,I feel I should start again from the beginning,to get to where I am now.I hope that makes sense,if not let me explain.

All of my troubles and woes began upon receiving a Diagnosis of "Lung Cancer".That fateful day was February15th,this year.
I must suggest you read my previous posts,starting from"Welcome" ,to understand where I am going from here.

I would like to start anew in my life as well as on my blog.I have decided to write about the new events that are beginning,because of that diagnosis.

It hasn't changed me in negative ways at all,just more positive.

My cancer is non-small cell stage 1.I know some of you have been asking.My prognosis is a day to day situation.

Before I go on,and on,and on,I must again Thank You all for your comments and your blessings.This is what This BLOG is all about!

I also welcome you who are new and have possibly had or know someone who has had Lung Cancer,and feel that there is No hope.I think if you read on,you will find possitive proof that there is hope!

I am now at the stage of feeling good enough to start looking at all my possibilities.
I need to work,but wont be able to get a regular job at this point.I am looking around the internet and trying to find something that might interest,my interest.

Like I have said before,Theses last five years on "death Row" have set me back a bit.I am now five years older at 55.Sounds old,but I sure do not feel it.

I shall go for now and tell you how much I look forward to hearing from you all.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006


I am the happiest today!
I went to my six month appointment today .The doctor says the cancer has NOT come back.
It seems I have wasted so much time,wasting so much time.
I found myself not planning too far ahead these last seven months.I would start to think of things in the future,then the reality on the cancer issue would always come through .
Today I felt a renewal of all my hopes and dreams.Today I start living for Tomorrow.
I still have a few minor ailments to consider,nothing I will concern myself about too much at this time.
I will definately continue to write this blog,as I have made a lot of friends through this.
Again,I would like to Thank all of you for your concern and your prayers.Please stay with me on my journey,as I flounder my way to another stage of this precious Life.
Those of you who have read my previous posts will remember that I have tasted Death 3 times in the last four years.
I am definetly stronger,and I will Never take a moment for granted again.



Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Hello,my friends.
I was fortunate enough to receive these "Quotes" in one of my e-mails.
I feel it speaks about a lot I believe.I hope you can take something away from them also.

Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. ~ Chinese Proverb ~

Pain and Suffering is inevitable but Misery is optional. ~ Unknown ~

Your success is only limited by your desire. ~ Unknown ~

We cannot become who we need to be by remaining who we are. ~ Unknown ~

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new lands, but in seeing with new eyes. ~ Marcel Proust ~

The mind that made you sick can also make you well. ~ Unknown ~

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet, and two others at first speech are old friends. ~ Unknown ~

To love and be loved is to feel the sun on both sides. ~ David Viscott ~

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~ James Dean ~

Anyone who thinks the sky is the limit, has a limited imagination. ~ Unknown ~

When your heart speaks, take good notes. ~ Unknown ~

If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies. ~ Unknown ~

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. ~ Helen Keller ~

Arrange whatever pieces come your way. ~ Woolf ~

They are able who think they are able. ~ Virgil ~

Out of the strain of the doing, into the peace of the done. ~ Julia Louise Woodruff ~

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~ Mark Twain ~

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. ~ Chinese Proverb ~

The reason why birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. ~ J. M. Barrie ~

How beautiful it is to do nothing And then rest afterward ~ Spanish Proverb ~ .

Don't Stop Believing


Wednesday, September 06, 2006


SIX MONTHS and I am still sticking around.
Time seems,at times,to move so slow,and yet it goes by so fast.
Where have I been this last little while?What have I accomplished?Could I have spent my time more wisely?
Is there a Bigger Plan in store?
These are not just questions I am asking today,these are the queries I encounter everyday.
I think though that at times we are not necessarily the ones that should answer our own questions.I am starting to think,that perhaps I might require others opinions.

I would like to make mention,that those of you who are now just new to my journal,that you might want to check out my previous posts ,to kind of get the drift of these ramblings.

I am still in limbo,as I wait for my six month check up.I have had no follow up since April.I will see the surgeon that performed my "Lobectomy" on my Lung,on September13th.
I am scared,damn it!,But I am tough as well.
It is a real challenge to know the truth of this deadly disease,but yet to try to convince yourself everyday that you will beat it.
There are many loved ones in my life,and so sometimes I must think of them as well.
I have been feeling well though ,and will continue to live one day at a time,and try to mentally beat this cancer,even if it starts to wither me on the inside.
Please,stay with me on this journal,as your letters and outstanding support help me with every step on this journey.

Don't Stop Believing!


Sunday, August 06, 2006


I received wonderful news on my breast "biopsy".There is NO malignancy!
I finally exhaled.It had been a worrisome time for me ,with the waiting for the diagnosis.
My friend from my doctors office informed me and with that I said ",Thank You,You have made my Life"
It seemed to me to not be so trivial this time with the mammagram and things. After all,they had Diagnosed Lung Cancer already and the area in my breast that had raised the concern,was within centimeters of where they had removed the right lobe of my lung.
The finding of that biopsy,has really made me want to smile,again!
Again,I have been very BLESSED!
I feel like ,if they were able to have cut my cancer clean,and it has not spread when I go on August26th,then you know What,
I might have another chance for another few months or years,hopefully.
How about you all say a little prayer for me,and maybe ,just maybe,It could happen.
By the way,I chose to have the biopsy on my breast,I knew it might hurt and I knew that the results might not be good ,but I made the right decision,
I would like to say,if you are faced with breast problems,please have a mammagram and follow up.It is not always ,in fact,bad news.
Got to love you and leave you for now,but just had to share my "GOOD NEWS" with you.




Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Diagnosis: LUNG CANCER

Welcome,For those of you that are new to my site,and perhaps some regulars,I have decided to do a re-cap on the last 4 months.
I believe I have been drifting into other areas of emotion lately,rather than explaining why I am here.
Emotion is the very biggest part of this for me,but I will remind you all medically why I am here in the first place.

In October of 2005, aroutine chest x-ray revealed a spot on my lung.A CT scan was then taken on January 26th 2006.My doctor called me into his office on February1st.I was to see a surgeon February15th.Well.I figured it was to see about a small biopsy ,just to see if there was anything to worry about.Well, Surprise,Surprise.A ten minute discussion revealed to me that he would perform a "Lobectomy" on my lung on February28th.Whoa,just a minute here,I could hear myself thinking and sinking.That ,I believe is when the shock set in and is still the same shock as with me now.
Grant it,I have come a long way.I was very blessed in my case.Two times over.I made the operation,which were not good odds.I was able to be operated on as my cancer was caught at an early stage ,and had not spread.
I still have shotness of breath and my EMPHYSEMA seems to be in the forfront lately.The loss of a third of my lung did not help the breathing ,but saved my Life.
Emotionally,I try to take things day by day.I still make plans for the future ,as that keeps me going.
I am fit and able,mentally and physically ,and to see me you would never know anything was wrong.
I recovered completely from the operation,very quickly.

Next step now for me is the follow-up appointments that will keep up to date with the CANCER returning in my LUNG,BREAST,BRAIN or other places.
Not a lot to look forward to,with that respect,but for now I look forward to today!
I hope ,and suggest you read my previous posts for more explanations of why I am able to be here.




Sunday, July 16, 2006

You can Bitch,You can Cry,but you cant RUN!

The "emphysema is starting to show itself
I went from walking the mall to not getting to the car to get to the mall.
I have always had plans to visit Las Vegas,and walk the famous"strip". I suppose I can't.Goes to show we should "Do it Now" in our lives and not put everything off til tomorrow.What good is planning?
I do have plans for tommorow.I am having a "core biopsy" done on my breast.The after math warnings are reading to me a lot more scariar than my "Lobectomy,"{the removal of a lobe on the lung}.
The warnings consist of bleeding and/or infection.That is not the bad part.The real hard blow comes when they get the results.
When I get the dreaded results that there is malignancy,I again will have to face some curves in the road.
I was blessed and fortunate to have survived,so far, the Lobectomy and the lung cancer,I just Pray my spirits will stay up to get through this round again.
I will of course be reading and educating my self on "breast cancer and the options of treatment.I would like to have choices this time as to my treatment.
I am fully aware that this is not going to be a bed of roses,but I am fully aware also that I am quite prepared.Now,That is a up viewpoint to leave you on for now.
Til next time
Please Take Care of Yourself.



Sunday, July 09, 2006

Just a little more time,SOMETIME,Please!

LUNG CANCER:One more month,one more week,Please Lord,just one more day.
I seem to be running so fast and going nowhere slowly.There seems to be so much more that I want to be accomplished,so much more to do.The thing is...I do not know what that is yet.Sure ,there are the basics.I must see that as a mother, I have left my children good memories of me.I must assure my husband that every moment I have spent with him was never wasted.I must give calls to everyone that I remember that have helped or touched me in my life.I must,I must.
I also MUST remember to remember myself through all this .SOMETIMES , now I want to stop and just reflect on what has happened to me so quickly.SOMETIMES, I want to be selfish and rest.SOMETIMES, I don't want to think of anything but flowers and sunshine,and SOMETIMES, I just don't want to Think!
Lately,as I feel that I don't accomplish everything I want to,I feel a little let down.
I know I am doing well ,with what I have done,but I hope I never stop trying.
SOMETIMES,I just wish I had a little more TIME.


Saturday, July 01, 2006


Yes!The title is for real.If you are new here and have not read my previous posts I will update you.

In May2002,I was diagnosed with" cirrhosis of the liver".I was a heavy drinker at the time, and with the fact that I hardly ate I was down to 89lbs.The Dr. said I had maybe 3 months to live if I didnt stop drinking.Well, my right mind set in and I was able to quit the drinking.
My doctors were amazed at my recovery as I looked and felt a 100% better.
By this time also ,I was having shortness of breath,but I was so happy in my sobriety ,that I didnt pay attention.That was in 2004.
Time went on ,[mind you,I fought every day to stay sober} and then in October 2005 I got a call from my doctor,saying The EKG showed a Heart attack! Well,then the tests began.I had a pulmonary function test.The test measures breathing capacities.Well,I Failed.An xray was ordered of my chest and I was told there was a spot on my lung.
Well,My mom was coming for christmas that year and no way did I want to find out any bad news.
I waited til January 26th to have a CT scan.February 1st my Dr. called and said I was to see a surgeon on Feb.15th.He arranged for a "LOBECTOMY"{removal of a lobe of the lung}on February 28th.
I made it!!! AGAIN.
I am here to tell you basically that there is some HOPE, after Diagnosis ,for some people who are fortunate enough to be diagnosed early enough.
I am a very possitive person and I believe that Attitudes play a great role in Recovery.

Thank You for coming by,and please,Read my previous posts.

Believe B.C

Sunday, June 25, 2006

HEART full of SOUL

"I believe in every drop of rain that falls,A flower grows"

Isn't that just the way it is?
I have been finding a peace within myself as late.
Could this be the"Acceptance"?
I am pretty sure I have been through all the other emotions.
It is kind of chilling to accept ones fate.
Does this mean that I will have to settle?I am not sure if acceptance of my fate with"LUNG CANCER" is as important as trying NOT to accept it.
If I am to live with thoughts of planning my Death,How can I keep planning my Life?
I suppose one must come to a happy medium somewhere along the way.
I will think more of Death,I suppose,when I am in pain and lying in bed.
Right now I hope to enjoy my Life when I am well and able.

I look forward to talking to you again soon.



Tuesday, June 20, 2006


WELCOME:The days sure seem to be going too fast for me now.I feel like I have to try to live 30 years in 2.
I am starting to slow down in some things.I am finding that I am thinking more about the reality of all this.
I guess I have gone through the denial stage.I have been angry at times,but now I feel a few tears now and again.

I do not work so I do not have a lot of people around me to really talk to.I find that coming on here is a wonderful outlet for a lot of my feelings.

The tears I have cried,have not been for me.I think of the sadness it will bring to my children.
I guess as mothers we always feel that" we" keep the family together.I do know that I have provided them with the best I could to be prepared to deal with this.

I dont cry a lot ,in fact I havent cried for years.I wont get down and feel that way for long.
Time is of the essence now and I hope to spend it Happy!


Thank You for coming by....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

LUNG CANCER:Where do I go from Here?

Hello! I have mentioned that I am a newly diagnosed "lung cancer" person.I am also a confused lung cancer person.

I had a lobectomy on Feb.28th,was released from hospital on Mar.3rd.That is the wonderful news.
The problem now is "Where do I go from here?"
I am doing research all the time on this disease,I am reading other blogs that discuss this,the thing is, I do not know what the next step to take will be for me???
I would like to ask those of you who are reading this ,and have "lung cancer" or know someone that has,to please send me your story.
I am new at this blog,but most of all I am new to this whole new situation of survival ahead of me.

Please come back and visit again as I will always have some more news for you.

Thank You for coming by;


Friday, June 16, 2006


I really did not think that I would be alive today to be telling you these stories.

Four months ago,I wrote a living will.I also wrote letters to each of my children and my mother.I phoned my dearest friends and tried so hard not to cry when inside we both knew it might be the last time we spoke.
I had come to peace with myself and my God.
I was ready to DIE!

I had already been through this in May of 2002.I was given 3 months to live then ,with the diagnosis of " cirrhosis".
During the last three years I was fighting everyday to get back all my senses of reality again.
I had gone through photo albums and asked friends things that I had forgotten through all the memory black outs in the past.I fought everyday and countless hours to get to where I am today. I had stopped drinking four years ago and have not looked back.My health was back,my liver enzymes had returned to normal and i was all set to go.
Then it happened.DIAGNOSIS: LUNG CANCER:

If you read my previous points you will be up to date on that diagnosis.

So Here I am now,Thank God, at the beginning again.

You can probably imagine the "full Plate " I have now and the tremendous emotions.

In the past 3 years I have had to try to LIVE and DIE!

I have so much more to tell you.
I really hope that I can share with you the real feelings attached to this untalked about" disease".

Hope to hear from you all soon!


Thursday, May 04, 2006

Extra!Extra!Read all about it!

The results are in.The pathology report was given to me last week.
Right upper lobe of lung;"BRONCHIOLOALVEOLAR CARCINOMA".
In laymens terms,it WAS Lung Cancer.
It seems that it had not spread to other areas,as of yet.I am so glad that I did not put the operation off,as I had first intended.
Unfortunately though the journey is not over yet.They have found a lump on my breast and I will be having a biopsy next week to determine the outcome of that.
This all just began on Feb.1st and I have had one major operation",Lobectomy",and now this deal with a breast cancer suspicion.
I am also happy though to report that I have quit smoking.It has taken me a bit but I am moving along well with a lot of changes.
They have also confirmed"SUBPLEURAL EMPHYSEMATOUS BULLAE" are present in my lungs.Yes,I have emphysema also.
I do however want to share with you that I am still of good spirit,and I believe that state of mind has been the biggest factor in my quick recovery.
I will let you know of my latest test results as soon as I get them.
Take Care


Sunday, April 23, 2006

Changing Channels

The lifestyle changes that I must adhere by are not coming easy.
I have found my "niche" more or less in the last 50 years and those habits whether good or bad are very instilled in me.
Every minute of every hour I have been trying to change my thought patterns on "smoking"I am reading all sorts of articles on quitting and successes and tell myself many times a day how horrible cigarettes truly are, and how now I will have to change my whole day,every day for the rest of my life.
I can no longer wake up to that cup of coffee and that cigarette ,that I so much enjoyed for 40 years instead, my choice is orange juice and a few hours on here,which I enjoy very much.The good thing being that I can not type and hold a smoke at the same time.
I know I can do it though as others have before me.
A lot of other points in my life are changing as well,I really am starting to notice sunsets, hear the birds singing and all that good stuff we all tend to take for granted.All of this perhaps because,"Time is of the essence" now.
I have received news this last week that further tests are required for other parts of my body ,so it appears I am only at the beginning,once again on this cancer journey.

There are some good things that are coming with this ,and that is that it was a "Wake-Up" call for me.I do believe things happen for a reason and I am of optimistic nature.
I do hope sharing some of my trials and tribulations with you will help us both somehow.


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Is this MY fault?

I guess I shouldn't cry the blues,after all,I have been the cause of most,if not all of my illnesses.
"Smoking causes Cancer"How many times have I seen this,heard this,and known this?
What was I thinking?
I have smoked and drank for many years,not exercised,nor have I maintained a proper diet.
I do NOT expect you to feel sorry for me.I do however know that I am not the only recipient of Cancer that didn't stick to the rules.
Now Look at Me!
I really wonder if this old dog,can learn new tricks.
We shall see......

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Lung Cancer,Liver Disease,COPD

Writing this "BLOG" just makes me realize how very fortunate I am.My list of rather scary health conditions are able to sink in more as I read this.I sometimes feel like I am writing in the third person.
Yes,I have COPD as well.That to me seems like a petty thing compared to the removal of my lung lobe and cancer.I know though that every day I notice more shortness of breath and easy tasks become tiring.
My point,really is though,That I feel Well!
My spirit remains high and I am not ill.I am really not disabled in anyway.
I am of course in the very first stages of this "cancer" business.I am also aware of the many trials I must go through in the near future.
I have a lot of good people in my life and I know that will surely aide me in the days ahead.


Monday, April 10, 2006

Common Sense?

I will try to fill in some of the blanks.Prior to my diagnosis of "lung Cancer"I had been through 3 years of life style changes as well.I was told I had "cirrohsis"in 2002 and that I would require a liver transplant.I was also told i would have less than 3 months to live,but there would be more hope if I was able to stop drinking.I was quite a drinker for many years.I managed on my own to stop drinking .I had no help from AA or any doctors,Just my own will.
I have been dealing with this til February 1 this year ,when the lung cnacer came through.
With only a 5 minute visit to a surgeon and no previous knowledge,or compassion from anybody I was told my only option was a lobectomy.That is the removal of an entire lobe of the lung.That was on Feb.15th.They would operate February28th.
The medical odds were against me.My liver had returned to a safer situation,but I had emphysema,Angina,High Blood pressure and I had had a previous seizure a few years back.The doctor did say that my odds were 1 in 20 that I would not survive the operation.
I not only am here writing this but my recovery amazed my doctors and friends and family.
As of this moment though I am not sure whether this is the end or the beginning of things as the Pathology report is not back yet.I will know then if the cancer has spread and I have a little less time in my life or they wre able to get it on time and then I have more time.Of course I wish the latter.
I am refusing to let any day or minute or hour go by now,with out giving something back .I have started this "Diary',Journal,To help my self see through some of this maze but also to help others that are left to make difficult decisions ,be it surgury or other choices.
Please check back for the " Pathology Report" >

I also would like to tell you that I have been a smoker for 40 years and of course I am not to smoke anymore,Well if you have any suggestions for me to stop ,I am having a harder time with this then i have had with any other drug in my life,Please forward any hints to this post.
Talk to you soon


Sunday, April 09, 2006


Welcome! I have just been recently diagnosed with "Lung Cancer"February 1 and received a "Lobectomy"on February 28th.
This "Blog"will be about all my breaths taken in the months to come.I had no previous warning of the cancer so I am not full of myths or misconceptions from others or myself.I hope to educate myself on my new found illness and to try to share some of my self discoveries and diagnosisis with you.
I look forward to hearing from you on any and all of my posts.
Thank You for listening!