Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Imagine finding yourself reading this.How would you feel?
This is the pathology report that I received after they removed a lobe from the right lung.It is called a lobectomy,or wedge section.
I did not feel any pain before or after really.
I was diagnosed with pneumonia first ,then they discovered the tumor.It was 2 inches long by then.
They were able to remove the cancerous part.I was very blessed and lucky that they found it on time.
I did complain a lot about pain in my back about a year before.I smoked for 44 years and kind of thought that it was my lungs.I told doctors then that my back hurt and I thought it was my lungs,but they just told me my lungs were not in my back.I think maybe they should have taken a closer look.
The operation might have turned out not so good,as I had previous complications.I recovered quickly and returned home in four days.I have a big scar ,but I am still alive.
There are more adventures to the waiting room quite often for me now.I am having lots of little things turn up that the doctors worry might be connected with the cancer.
I worry lots.
I have just been told by my doctor yesterday that I have pneumonia again,this time on my left side.That is confusing as to whether or not it is that.He is treating with antibiotics,but wants me to have xrays to be sure.
My neck has still been sore and swollen for a month or so ,so I kind of think the lung cancer might have spread through my lymph nodes.I have no idea where it might go from there.
I could have throat cancer,or the cancer is more apt to go to the brain.
One thing is for sure,I am just not feeling good about this.
Here goes,change of plans for the next little while.
I have a stage 1 non small cell cancer.The average life expectancy is not that great.I think at seventen months ,I must be very fortunate.
I am right on the docs,as I know how important time plays as a large factor in operatable conditions.
Lung Cancer is very very scary,because you do not क्नोव where it will spread too.
Lung Cancer is usually the primary location and then from there it is anybodys guess.
I will say though that if you have had a cough for awhile and keep getting checks and told it is bronchitis or pneumonia,seek further attention.
I know most of us do not want to know,BUT you NEED TO!
Please read my other posts....
and remember

Monday, August 04, 2008


My Mother passed away a few days ago.I never told her that I had "Lung Cancer".That was the hardest thing for me,but the best for her.
One would think that a daughter would automatically tell her mother that she was ill and was going to die soon.I did not say a word.
This death of my mom is a hard one.It was a blessing though,as she did not suffer and just fell asleep,knowing she would be with her loved ones soon.It is very hard on me,because there are things I never told her.

I know that by not telling her,it was the most unselfish thing I have ever done.It would have killed her.How do I know that?
She would take my face in her hand,quite often of late,and tell me"Darling,Please take care of yourself as it would kill me to lose you,as parents must die before their children".
She came to visit me shortly after my lung was removed.I had a scar of twelve inches and the look of staple marks on my back.She would sleep with me at night,and wonder why I did not change my clothes in the room.I wore t shirts over my bathing suit ,I was so afraid she would know.
I wanted to reach out to her and have her protect me from this cancer.I wanted her to make it better.

She had COPD,and a bad heart.I have the same.I know when I saw her it was me laying there,and that was an awakening for me,at least I hope it was.

I never whine about the cancer I have.I do not use my condition to get anything.I tell my husband the truth,and I try to hold back some of the gory details from my children.
I am a christian ,and I do not ordinarily Lie.I have only done so ,as to not worry others.I can carry the grief of many,I am a Mother,a Wife ,and until a few days ago a daughter.

I know that telling the truth to my mother would not have changed anything.We were already close.
I think that I was able to give her the best years of my life and I am sure she enjoyed the last few of hers.

This post is about wanting to share with you about my loss,but there is another reason.
This disease of Lung Cancer is FATAL.I think we all have to make peace with ourself in our life,and when our loved ones pass away,It is the best to have No regrets.
I have No Regrets about anything that happened in my life,and in the life I shared with my mother,

God Rest her Soul






welcome.It is a blessing to be here with you today. I will begin from the last post .It has been awhile since I posted and hope I can catch...