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Friday, December 23, 2011

New Year of Hopes and Dreams

Merry Christmas and a very Healthy Happy New Year to you all.May all your hopes and dreams come true,now and forever.
I have lots of Hope.I have lots of Dreams.Those two go together.I hope I can always Dream,and I Dream I can always Hope.
I like a New Year.I kind of feel like it is the first day back to school.I will get a new journal,and start to write nice and neat.I am sure I will continue that for awhile,but the truth....I will probably forget to write in it in a few months.L.O.L
My hope is that the lung cancer has not returned to eat me up.I have lost 20 pounds in the last three months,and that was not planned.I guess I am kind of worried,so...Now I will have to put some of my dreams on hold.
I hope that my one and only kidney does not fail.I have chosen not to go on "Dialysis".I am just trying to find the right diet right now to get healthy enough to fight what that throws at me.
I also dream.I dream that I will live another 20 years and I see myself beginning again,and NEVER,EVER,wasting any more time worrying so much again.
But most of all,I Pray,everyday,that I will live every moment like it is my last.I will give and receive love.I will be happy.

P.S I thought after 6 years of posting I would change the old photo.The previous photo showed my "Aura".This photo is the up to date one.I hope now you will know who you are really talking to.L.O.L
Just hard to face the age difference.
I will have a Merry Christmas with my loved ones and be Thankful.

I will have a good year!
so remember til next time....

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Counting My Blessings for the 6th,7th,8th and 9th times Again!

Welcome Everyone.Happy Thanks Giving to all of my guests who are celebrating this day in their homes.I also wish everyone who reads my posts would also like to take the time to reflect on some of the moments of strife and glory,and to count your blessings as well.
Now,with that being said I will try to catch you all up on my latest news.
I have just recently had a bout of the cold/flu situation that has been going around here.I unfortunately,ended up with a few complications more.My lungs having had the lung cancer  surgery,and my emphysema were not to able to keep up with the impact of a cold and I ended up with pneumonia.I have,Thankfully,recovered from that,but have increased my inhalers to compensate with my dry hacking cough and shortness of breath.
I also visited my "nephrologist"(kidney doctor),yesterday.He told me that my potassium level was quite low.He also noted that I had lost over ten pounds in the last few months.He is so concerned with the weight loss that he is going to be in touch with my lung cancer doctor.He really scared me,because I didn't think I would hear any thing regarding my cancer situation from him.I,as far as I know,do not have cancer in my kidney,so.....I am now a little alarmed.I have of course thought over and over again as to what else might have caused me to lose my weight,but for the life of me,I do not think any of my eating habits have changed.Inside myself,I just sort of want to try to gain some weight and eat the right foods to gain some needed "potassium"back in my body,and just take each day as it comes.
It is Christmas coming,and I really do not want to deal with any more decisions then I already have.I will keep you posted as to how that is going.Wish me luck.
Today,and everyday,I do count my blessings.I have written a post every year regarding the miracles and blessings that have happened to me.
I have been given many tests,many trials,and Thank God I am here to share my stories with you again.When you are faced with a doctor telling you that you only have a few weeks or months to live,you do STOP and think.The word live,becomes LIVE!In that moment,your life really does flash before your eyes.I have had that feeling each and every year with every fatal diagnosis that I have had made on my ailments.My life no longer flashes as much ,as I am  living,or trying to live each minute,in the moment and have the foresight and not the hindsight of all the flashes as that first time.
We all have challenges in our lives,and we all have the ability to choose how we deal with them.
My blessings also go out to all of those brave souls who are  facing cancer,to all those who have lost others to this battle,and to all the caregivers that get us through.
May God Bless You!

Til next time remember......

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Friday, October 14, 2011

Standing at the Crossroads

Well,Here I am again folks.Medically,I am at the crossroads.It seems  neither of my choices will be good ones.I do not want to dwell on that right now.
I do however,want to tell you that I am not as dependant upon my husband as much.For several years I hardly got of my bed.I now get up and drive the car to my freelance position ,I was able to obtain.It doesn't pay much,but with my son and husband to support,every bit helps.I now look forward to getting out of bed in the morning and facing the day.Every step I take  I feel like I am winning against the odds.Lung Cancer,COPD,Fibromalgia,Heart Disease and only one kidney functioning,I feel pretty darn good.I am not on oxygen yet,I have the availability of both legs and arms,(though sometimes they ache).I am here now and even if this is my final act,it has been a great play.
I still have lots on my plate physically.Every doctor appointment scares me.I have my "nephrologist"(kidney doctor),to see in a few weeks.Two of my specialists believe I am losing my only kidney and have mentioned the open heart surgery and the kidney transplant again.But.....I will not worry yet,as that only wastes the good moments.My lung cancer doctor feels a six month check up is due.My heart doctor still says I am a ticking time bomb.I do not know,I really sound in worse shape than I feel.
I want to let you all know to keep thinking positive,every day,even when stuff gets you so down.
So,Remember til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ten Years of Dying

Welcome everyone.The title of this post sounds scary,but the rest of the title should be,"and the next ten years trying".This trial of deadly diagnosis's began way before lung cancer and COPD.This all began with a mammogram of my breasts in 1996.I had a CT scan that showed there were several lumps and they suggested a surgeon remove my breasts and the lumps.I walked into the hospital that day,and an angel appeared to me.The angel was a lady Doctor,who took the time to take a second look at the situation.Yes,Lo! and behold they turned into cysts and were drained and yes ,today I am without Breast Cancer.The following years came with heart and liver and now kidney disease and of course lung cancer.
I still am alive my friends.Yes,I am truly blessed,but I truly"   believe"that with my faith in tomorrow,that I have survived the odds that were against me.I know that when the physical body takes over it can and will win.We have come along way with our technology,and the media is covering the warnings.I would like to see more screening done earliar.I would have liked to have  been told I had the genetic genes that predisposed me to all of my problems.I think knowing would have made a difference in some of the choices i have had to make and made.I think I want to know when I am going to die.The worrying has already killed so much of me.
I am at the stage now where I do not even want to see a doctor.I do not want to touch on cancer subjects.I do not want to find out if I have to have open heart surgery or a kidney transplant.For awhile,I just want to let time and worries slip away.I am enjoying working at my passion again,and those days make me happy.I am really going to try to live the next ten years.
So,I hope on a possitive note.
Til next time ...Remember...

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

COMFORTABLY NUMB

Welcome,and I am so sorry to not have kept you updated.
This time,no news,WAS,good news.
I saw my doctor that looks after my lung cancer,and after the chest x-ray,he informed me that,wait for it......No regrowth of the two inch tumor in my lung has occurred.Yes,Yes,Thank you God!.
This is past the five year mark for my lung cancer.There are very few lung cancer survivors.I am very blessed.
I still do not take anything for granted.I still do not wish for anything,I am comfortably numb.
I do not mean I am not moving,because,as of lately I have had new energy.I know that with the latest news on the cancer,I feel more positive about a future.Maybe not a long one,but maybe a little longer then was first thought.
I am still on hold for a few things yet though.I lost one of my kidneys about a year ago,and so now,I have to keep getting tests to make sure my other one,and only one is functioning properly.I worry lots if I get pains in my back or side,I still have lots of heart problems too,but I figure,if its going to happen,then its going to happen.I am on top of my own medical conditions at all times,and have the top docs looking after me.Life goes on.
I have found renewed energy in a passion of mine,that I am able to do again with confidence.I am out and about,instead of waiting to die in bed.I am feeling great .
I want to say right now,right here,that "Today is the first day of my new life".
Thank You all for all your prayers and well wishes,and thanks for coming back and riding along with me on this journey.I hope to be busy out in the work force for awhile,but I promise to post more often.
Til then Remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Shorter of Breath,and one Day Closer to Death

Welcome back everyone.No news,was not good news,so I haven't posted for awhile,due to the fact that my spirit was a bit down.I know you are accustomed to my whining on here,but it is even starting to bother me.L.O.L.


I have been so very tired lately.My lungs are definitely getting worse,and the emphysema is causing me to become short of breath,just from speaking.My heart is bad as well,so I guess with those vital organs slowing down,it is no wonder.
I have got a lot on my plate this month.Hopefully,I will have some more answers on some of my conditions,with regard to my heart attacks and strokes and only remaining kidney.I think I really do not need to hear it all again though.There is a chance that my lung cancer has come back.I am so scared with that.
Before they diagnosed me with lung cancer 5 years ago,I had a very bad cough.The cough lasted for months.Now,after 5 years,I am starting to cough like that again.I am thinking it could be my COPD,at least I am praying that,as then I would go on oxygen,instead of chemo.Both are horrific diagnosis's anyway.It is always like that with me though.This Dr. appointment with my cancer surgeon will either be the first of a beginning new every week thing and chemo,or he will say I do not have to see him for a year.YEAH!LETS PRAY FOR THAT!
I have a lung cancer called "BAC".It is one of the rarer cancers.
I was blessed to have the 2 inch tumor removed in 2006.I have not had it return.The thing is,there is very little survival rate of over 5 years with this kind of cancer.
I am okay now,so I am praying to God to keep me well for another 5 years at least.
The reason my spirit is down is financial this time.
We are going to lose our home of 34 years soon.My husband worked on the railway for over 30 years til 2002,when he left to care for me.
With his age and health against him now,and my teeny weeny problems,we would not be able to find employment.
We have a couple months yet.
But,you know me,I still "Believe" that something will happen in the meantime to prevent that.
I am still hoping to get something that pays from home,so I can bring in some income.We'll see.
It is hard to plan.It is hard to know what to strive for when you are under a death sentence with cancer.I do believe however,that we must still keep our dreams and hopes alive.By doing that we can actually look forward to getting up in the morning,with a smile on our face...

So til next time Remember


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Cancer Constant

Welcome back everyone. Today,I will start again,Today I will start again. My life is like the movie "Groundhog Day". Cancer is a constant.The thoughts nag at you continuously.Again and again and again. My lung cancer ,I hope,is at stage T1.It is a non small cell cancer.I was diagnosed six years ago,and am truly blessed to still be here to write this post. I do not have much physical pain from the cancer.I do however cringe a bit remembering the operation.They removed the right lobe of my lung,called a "lobectomy" and left a twelve inch scar.Of course there is not pain under anesthesia,but looking at myself after the operation was scary.I had a tube to drain the blood from my chest and to make sure no clots would form.The tube came out of a hole in my chest about the size of a quarter.My back had twenty-one staples and I looked like Frankenstein.But,I was alive. My scar has since healed wonderfully. I am one of the lucky ones.Cancer kills and cancer kills fast.My lung cancer was only found by chance.I had had a wicked cough for over three months and the doctor decided it was time for a chest xray,to perhaps rule out pneumonia.They found a spot on my lung and then proceeded to CT scan to reveal a 2" tumor.I know a lot of doctors and patients would,and will take antibiotics and not go the extra distance to make sure.My advise would be to check out any cough that lasts a long time. The operation went well.I found the scary part was after. The physical pain is not so bad anymore,with regard to the cancer.I ,of course still have related pain with my emphysema. I do know that there isn't a day,that I don't worry about there being another day. With the latest diagnosis of the loss of my kidney and the very poor only other kidney,I am starting to feel that old familiar feeling. I am going through it again.I am going through it again.I am going through it again. I "Believe" that this will be another journey.I will have challenges,and I pray that I have the strength and courage to move on with grace and dignity. Well,Til next time....Remember DON'T STOP BELIEVING! Believe

Thursday, February 17, 2011

NOT READY TO LAY DOWN AND DIE!

Some good news.The doctor said that the artery supply to my one good kidney is okay.They will not have to do the invasive surgery now.I am so relieved.
I am actually back to original diagnosis,which had said that I could live on one kidney.
I am sure going to have to make some real life changes to stay on top of this one.
It sure is a little off my plate right now,and I am so grateful.
My husband hugged me when we got the news.I felt that when I was busy worried about me dying,I had forgotten about his feelings on my loss.
I also surely know that for sure God has a reason for keeping me well.
For those of you that have read my posts over the last five years know about all my close calls.Death has been at my doorstep many times.I have prayed and I have shared my stories with you and you have sent me well wishes.I believe all of that has helped with all of these terminal illnesses.
I will still see a vascular surgeon,but the need is not at an urgent stage.
I hope not to have any doctor appointments for awhile,and look forward to moving on.
We have had a lot of financial difficulty over this the last few years.
When I got the lung cancer diagnosis my husband left work to care for me.The money has since run out,so we both have to find work.It will be a slow go,as we are both in our sixties.I figure I could start with a few hours a week.I can still walk and talk and I am still breathing,so I am ready to give it a go.
I sure am not yet ready to lay down and die.
So everyone just a short post to keep you up to date.
so remember til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Sunday, February 06, 2011

RUNNING SCARED

Welcome everyone.Once again,Thank You all for your thoughts and prayers.
I am about to set on a new voyage.My diagnostic tests are in with regard to the loss of a kidney and the about to be,loss of the other kidney.
I have now been told that I will have to have vascular surgery to open up an artery that is blocked in the renal area.They have also suggested that I might have to have a kidney transplant.I have been told that without the surgery,I will be on dialysis for the rest of my life.
I am sure that this is a situation that is faced by many.I am just amazed at why it is happening to me.
I have been dealing with lung cancer,emphysema,heart attack and two strokes.I never knew anything was even wrong with my kidneys,when this all began.
It has been a year now since they first discovered that I lost my right kidney.It is only now,a year later that they are about to get around to saving my only kidney and my life.
I am scared,and I feel like running.
It is not the operation itself that I am afraid of.It is the fact that my whole body is so wrecked,I am afraid that the operation itself is very risky.
The doctors tell me it is a do or die situation.They say I am a "ticking time bomb".
I say that it is much more difficult to face this with the knowledge of death looming.
There is always a risk with anesthesia,but with my high blood pressure and bad heart and lungs,the doctors themselves do not place much faith.
Well,Well,Well,.Here I am the positive "Believe",losing faith?
I still want to believe that all will be well,but the reality must play a part in this.I will go into the operation with expectations of coming out,but I will also go in prepared,not to come out.
I feel that to worry about it now,will waste precious time.My friends say that I am probably really stressed about it,but what good does that do.
I know that I will not choose dialysis.
I also know that after this operation I will be facing possible return of my lung cancer.I might be on chemo.I also know that I am fighting the odds and that I will soon have to be on oxygen.
It is not a pretty picture folks.
You have to be really strong to still keep smiling,and move on everyday.
I will not let myself lose faith,nor will I refuse any treatment that could save my life.
Yes,I am scared,but I guess even though I want to run,I won't.
Final test is this week and operation may be very soon this month.I will try to keep you posted.
so,Remember,til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

WISHING YOU A HAPPY HEALTHY NEW YEAR

A new year begins.I was not supposed to be here,again.Almost monthly since 2006 when I was diagnosed with Lung Cancer,I never knew how long I would be here.Now when New Years comes around,I am amazed and very grateful,that 5 years later I still am.

Lung Cancer was the biggest fear.I had already dodged four possibly fatal diseases.I had "cirrhosis" of the liver.and a suspicious breast biopsy,which turned out to be cysts,I had an almost fatal "grand mal" seizure,and I had pre cancer cells on my cervix and underwent laser treatments to prevent the cancer from spreading.

Lung Cancer is a lingering problem.I was diagnosed and caught mine early.Lung cancer is usually not found in time for most people,and therefore the low survival rate.Mine was found by luck through another check for emphysema.

I have made more scary visits to my oncologist in the last five years than any other doctor.Each time I walk in the office and he reads the x-ray in front of me,I fear the worst.Then he says it hasn't come back and I start again to make some more plans til my next monthly visit.I literally have to live one day at a time.Of course that living is better than the alternative.
The New Year heralds a new time,a chance for change.I have not made any resolutions this year.My mind is too full of what I have to do,rather than what I want to do.
They say I can live with my one kidney.They also say that I am a "ticking time bomb",they also say I will most likely have a major stroke or heart attack.I guess you can see why I don't make plans.
I will say that I pray for another good year of life,and wish for a better year health wise.
I do however wish all of you a healthy new year.Thank You all for your prayers and wishes and comments,on my last post.Without you all this would be for nothing.
Til next time remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe