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Sunday, February 06, 2011

RUNNING SCARED

Welcome everyone.Once again,Thank You all for your thoughts and prayers.
I am about to set on a new voyage.My diagnostic tests are in with regard to the loss of a kidney and the about to be,loss of the other kidney.
I have now been told that I will have to have vascular surgery to open up an artery that is blocked in the renal area.They have also suggested that I might have to have a kidney transplant.I have been told that without the surgery,I will be on dialysis for the rest of my life.
I am sure that this is a situation that is faced by many.I am just amazed at why it is happening to me.
I have been dealing with lung cancer,emphysema,heart attack and two strokes.I never knew anything was even wrong with my kidneys,when this all began.
It has been a year now since they first discovered that I lost my right kidney.It is only now,a year later that they are about to get around to saving my only kidney and my life.
I am scared,and I feel like running.
It is not the operation itself that I am afraid of.It is the fact that my whole body is so wrecked,I am afraid that the operation itself is very risky.
The doctors tell me it is a do or die situation.They say I am a "ticking time bomb".
I say that it is much more difficult to face this with the knowledge of death looming.
There is always a risk with anesthesia,but with my high blood pressure and bad heart and lungs,the doctors themselves do not place much faith.
Well,Well,Well,.Here I am the positive "Believe",losing faith?
I still want to believe that all will be well,but the reality must play a part in this.I will go into the operation with expectations of coming out,but I will also go in prepared,not to come out.
I feel that to worry about it now,will waste precious time.My friends say that I am probably really stressed about it,but what good does that do.
I know that I will not choose dialysis.
I also know that after this operation I will be facing possible return of my lung cancer.I might be on chemo.I also know that I am fighting the odds and that I will soon have to be on oxygen.
It is not a pretty picture folks.
You have to be really strong to still keep smiling,and move on everyday.
I will not let myself lose faith,nor will I refuse any treatment that could save my life.
Yes,I am scared,but I guess even though I want to run,I won't.
Final test is this week and operation may be very soon this month.I will try to keep you posted.
so,Remember,til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

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