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Sunday, June 25, 2006

HEART full of SOUL

"I believe in every drop of rain that falls,A flower grows"

Isn't that just the way it is?
I have been finding a peace within myself as late.
Could this be the"Acceptance"?
I am pretty sure I have been through all the other emotions.
It is kind of chilling to accept ones fate.
Does this mean that I will have to settle?I am not sure if acceptance of my fate with"LUNG CANCER" is as important as trying NOT to accept it.
If I am to live with thoughts of planning my Death,How can I keep planning my Life?
I suppose one must come to a happy medium somewhere along the way.
I will think more of Death,I suppose,when I am in pain and lying in bed.
Right now I hope to enjoy my Life when I am well and able.

I look forward to talking to you again soon.

B.C

{Believe}

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I THINK I MIGHT BE STARTING TO CRY!

WELCOME:The days sure seem to be going too fast for me now.I feel like I have to try to live 30 years in 2.
I am starting to slow down in some things.I am finding that I am thinking more about the reality of all this.
I guess I have gone through the denial stage.I have been angry at times,but now I feel a few tears now and again.

I do not work so I do not have a lot of people around me to really talk to.I find that coming on here is a wonderful outlet for a lot of my feelings.

The tears I have cried,have not been for me.I think of the sadness it will bring to my children.
I guess as mothers we always feel that" we" keep the family together.I do know that I have provided them with the best I could to be prepared to deal with this.

I dont cry a lot ,in fact I havent cried for years.I wont get down and feel that way for long.
Time is of the essence now and I hope to spend it Happy!

B.C

Thank You for coming by....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

LUNG CANCER:Where do I go from Here?

Hello! I have mentioned that I am a newly diagnosed "lung cancer" person.I am also a confused lung cancer person.

I had a lobectomy on Feb.28th,was released from hospital on Mar.3rd.That is the wonderful news.
The problem now is "Where do I go from here?"
I am doing research all the time on this disease,I am reading other blogs that discuss this,the thing is, I do not know what the next step to take will be for me???
I would like to ask those of you who are reading this ,and have "lung cancer" or know someone that has,to please send me your story.

bonilee17@yahoo.ca
I am new at this blog,but most of all I am new to this whole new situation of survival ahead of me.

Please come back and visit again as I will always have some more news for you.

Thank You for coming by;

B.C

Friday, June 16, 2006

LUNG CANCER: PREPARED to DIE!

I really did not think that I would be alive today to be telling you these stories.

Four months ago,I wrote a living will.I also wrote letters to each of my children and my mother.I phoned my dearest friends and tried so hard not to cry when inside we both knew it might be the last time we spoke.
I had come to peace with myself and my God.
I was ready to DIE!

I had already been through this in May of 2002.I was given 3 months to live then ,with the diagnosis of " cirrhosis".
During the last three years I was fighting everyday to get back all my senses of reality again.
I had gone through photo albums and asked friends things that I had forgotten through all the memory black outs in the past.I fought everyday and countless hours to get to where I am today. I had stopped drinking four years ago and have not looked back.My health was back,my liver enzymes had returned to normal and i was all set to go.
Then it happened.DIAGNOSIS: LUNG CANCER:

If you read my previous points you will be up to date on that diagnosis.


So Here I am now,Thank God, at the beginning again.

You can probably imagine the "full Plate " I have now and the tremendous emotions.

In the past 3 years I have had to try to LIVE and DIE!

I have so much more to tell you.
I really hope that I can share with you the real feelings attached to this untalked about" disease".

Hope to hear from you all soon!

B.C.