Saturday, July 31, 2010

Living to Die

Welcome.I am on a hiatus right now from my physicians.It feels good to be test free for awhile.Lung Cancer doctor hopefully not til November.I also see a respirologist for my emphysema in the end part of August.I am usually attending appointments lately so it is nice to have a bit of a break.Can YOU imagine what it is like to continue to live when your going to die.?I know we are all going to die,but come on now,at least live to a ripe old age.I really do not know how much more I can play this phys game.Thank God,though my mind has suffered some residual affects from the stroke,that I can still form thoughts.I think it is great that I can still reason.It makes it a bit harder when you know the truth.A terminal diagnosis once is a stress.I can tell you after about ten major terminal diagnosis that I had,that the emotional side of cancer or any other fatal illness in the real killer.
I live on the edge everyday.It takes me longer to try harder to keep going some days.I always fight to keep any thoughts about my position out of my head.I know I have to face facts,but in the end does it really matter how I handled it?What if I don't die with grace?How will I die?Will the lung cancer or the emphysema get me first.Will my cirrhosis of the liver finally stop functioning.Will I be put on a donors list for a kidney transplant.And,you know what folks,I have been told that before all this happens I will most likely have a major stroke or heart attack,because I have hardening of the arteries.How can one continue to keep up a positive attitude with that on their mind.That is why I choose not to worry.
On that note,I leave you with this Saint Patrick's Day Blessing that I came across.

I the end,there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
When you are well,there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are sick,then there are two things to worry about'
either you get well or you die.
When you get well,there is nothing to worry about.
But when you die there are two things to worry about:
either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell.
When you go to heaven,there is nothing to worry about;
but when you go to hell,you will be so damn busy shaking hands with friends,
you won't have time to worry!

So,Remember til next time



Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Just Another Brick in the Wall.

Welcome.This blog is becoming like a horror story lately.Lung cancer,Heart Attacks,Emphysema,and a stroke were and are very terrifying.The last diagnosis of renal failure left me numb.They say I have lost one of my kidneys,and my other one is partially blocked off.That is all they say.I have not been given any medications or rules to follow.I am going through the same things as I was before they told me.I am dumbfounded at our system,that with all their resources,they can not find someone who will just tell me whats going on.I cant even get to see a doctor for three months.I live in Canada,and I thought we were doing well.I do have doctors,but our system is overloaded.
I am numb because every time I take a step forward,the doctors do another test and find out something else is wrong.Fine,Fine,Fine.I will have to deal with it.I do not know if I can anymore,but I am going to try.Believe me.
The doctors also told me that a stroke is evident at anytime.Wow!Try living with that one.Oh,and by the way it could also be a heart attack.Every time I try to fathom every thing out,I just try to turn my mind off.I did deal with the "Cirrhosis" of the liver.I have learned to live with the lung cancer and emphysema.I just don"t know if this anticipation of death all the time could be too healthy on the mind.
This is just another brick in the wall .I can only pray that I will start to take a brick away or so,until there is no wall.
I also found a great site for information on "Lung Cancer".You can visit there at
Thank You all for stopping by.
so remember til next time




welcome.It is a blessing to be here with you today. I will begin from the last post .It has been awhile since I posted and hope I can catch...