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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me

I am so happy to be here for my 59th birthday on March 17th,St.Patrick's Day.
The lung cancer diagnosis,prior to my birthday in February 2006,was definitely not a time to expect even another one year.
Am I wiser?I think I have become more conscious of my life.I feel more control in my decisions.My priorities have changed.I now look before I leap.Yes,I think I am wiser.
I am also a Little more afraid.The reality of all of my problems sink in more everyday.
My latest diagnosis of possible renal failure and kidney disease has got me down a bit.
The lung cancer,emphysema,cirrhosis,heart attack and stroke and now this has kept me awake a few nights.
Sometimes I think that I will not worry til I have to.Sometimes I think I need to worry,or at least face some truths,so that I will be able to deal with all the consequences later.You really have to be realistic at this stage of the game also.
I still try to be positive.I know that doesn't change the way things are,but it gets me a better energy,and makes the days more pleasant.
At this moment,at this time,I am content and not in pain,for which I am thankful.
I will have my husband and sons with me on my day,and I will silently pray to God and Thank him for giving me four more years.

Til next time...Remember..

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Believe

Welcome everyone.I have been a bit behind on my posts,as I have been awaiting test results from different doctors.
My brain scan revealed that I had a stroke.They can not say when I had it,but I definitely remember having it.I had such a bad headache and everything went blurry,and I vomited.I had that happen in May of 2009.I had had similar situations and with not feeling too bad for the next few days I did nothing about it.I finally arranged a scan for July and of course I waited til September for the results.I have a very short memory now,and I become a bit backwards in some things.I type funny sometimes and I can't remember words as well.I am very very lucky though as strokes can be fatal,and have many more lasting effects.I am blessed once again.
I also mentioned last post about waiting for the MRI results.I got the not so good news a few days ago.They suspect that I have "renal stenosis".They said that the artery in my kidney is pinched off and causing the high,uncontrolled blood pressure I have.They are doing another MRI to focus just on that area.They said that one of my kidneys had decreased in capacity.My God,What next.
I am still here though.I am trying to look forward to our spring and summer here.I will enjoy going for a walk when I can.
My breathing is still okay,but it takes very little to get out of breath lately.
I have an appointment in may to see the lung cancer doctor for my six month check up.It is my biggest worry.I figure my cancer with a bad heart and now bad kidneys isn't so good.I really do still "believe" though,that everything will be all right,but also sometimes I have to think of the reality of it all.I know where all this is going,and its not pretty,but for now,I can walk,talk,and breathe,and really,what more can I ask for?
I have the support of my husband and family,and all of you who continue to read my journeys and send me prayers and well wishes.I really" believe" that you have all helped me through this and will continue to do so.
Thank You.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe