Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Life Has a Mind

The aches and pains,the agony of not knowing what is coming next.
Cancer really sucks!
The diagnosis of Lung Cancer,Emphysema,Cirrhosis of the Liver,Heart attack,seizures,and diabetes,etc.etc.etc.has really gotten me down mentally as well as physically.
My life really does have a Mind.
My body gets up every morning,and Thank God,I am not attached to IV's or any other supports.I am in my own home.My body is at rest right now
But....I have had so many tests lately,so many scares.
The MRI'S,CT scans,ultra sounds of the heart and abdomen,these tests yield results and it is the results that scare me.
I have terminal lung cancer.The word says it all,doesn't it?
This was a positive journey as far as the physical ailments are concerned.I am still unable to be employed full time,and now can only do my passion and past career part time.
The tests showed that I have had a heart attack in the past.They say it was a silent heart attack.I guess it must have been,because other wise I am sure i would have known.The tests regarding my enlarged bile duct,turned out to be negative for Pancreatic Cancer.Thank God,again for that.
It is the mental distress any disease,fatal or not ,that takes its toll on so many.
I know that early diagnosis does save lives.I just sometimes wonder why I am bothering to go through all these tests.

I know I have Lung Cancer,I know I am going to die soon.Why do I really need to know anything else.
It seems the only time I get out lately is to see a doctor.
I also know how very lucky we are in this country to have doctors to see.
Don't get me wrong,I will always make the right choice,I hope.
I will however give a lot of thought to my last days.
I know that lung cancer is very painful in the end.I also know that I will have to have chemo in the near future.
I also know that at that point in time,I will have a lot of decisions on whether I even want to extend what will probably be a very painful existence.

When my time comes closer with each day that passes I hope to share with you some of my views on the different kinds of cancer treatments,and how and when we should consider them.

Though this post sounds so down,I still want you to remember



P.S Great Blog about all types of cancers and all types of people about to,or having to,face Cancer.Good Reads .check it out at

Friday, August 14, 2009

Lung Cancer:So Many Questions??

What happens to us when we are told we are going to die?
Where in the brain,where in the spirit do we go?
Who do we tell first?What plans should we be making?Where do we go from here?
These are just some of the questions I had in my mind,and still do.
Sure there are those few moments,that I am not always concentrating on the answers.
Lately,with the way I have been feeling,the fear is starting to rise in me again.
I had to go to emergency a few days ago.I had a very high blood pressure,almost off the charts.I had pneumonia and was having difficulty breathing.
I explained that I had lung cancer and was being treated for a chest infection.They gave me a chest xray and an EKG.Thank God ,the EKG showed I was not having a heart attack.The chest xray was questionable,even to the doctor.She was unsure what she was seeing in the chest xray,and was not sure if it was the pneumonia,that was going on,or the Lung Cancer,showing up again.
Well,that was a few days ago,so you can imagine how I feel.
I have a Ct scan to look for a Brain Tumor ,on September 9th.
I am really starting to get mentally and physically exhausted.
How can I pull myself out of this gloom?How can I keep a smile on my face for my family,so they do not worry?
Questions with no answers.That is the Emotional pain of disease of any kind.
The diagnosis of a Fatal Disease such as Lung Cancer,just awakens us to the realisation,that yes,we are human,and we do get sick,we are not infallible.
The acceptance of my fate has not yet happened to me.
I still DO BELIEVE that I will get through all this.Maybe there is no hope in reality,but I believe that "Think it ,So Be It".
I am going to keep thinking and praying that next time I post ,I might have found some answers.
I am sure open to your suggestions,or comments on how you might have dealt with all of these annoying,but normal problems.

Til next time ....Remember




welcome.It is a blessing to be here with you today. I will begin from the last post .It has been awhile since I posted and hope I can catch...