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Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am Scared,but not because of Halloween

Hello all!Thank you Sue,and the best of luck in the future, and all the others that left a comment.All of your well wishes and prayers,really make a difference in my life.I really do not have a lot of friends.My husband retired a few years ago,and that is when I got ill.We have always spent most ,in fact all of our time together,so sometimes now it gets a little too quiet.So,Please keep writing,I appreciate it.
I am having such respiratory problems lately.
I am dealing with Pneumonia,again.In fact since May,this is the third time.NOT GOOD!
I have the part of my lung removed,and I have severe Emphysema.I am very frightened that I will be going on oxygen in the very near future.I really am in dire straits.
Last month I could walk around the malls,today,I am having a hard time to even bend over.With the H 1N1 out,I really do not think I want to go to an emergency room,because of all the germs floating around in there.I have all the signs of that flu,and definitely have the horrible aches and pains,that could just be the seasonal one,I hope.
I am also a prime candidate for the shot,and we have run out of supply.I am one of the unlucky ones who didn't get it.
I was afraid at first to take the shot,as with pneumonia and the flu already,I was sure it would kill me or something.
So,I am sitting here quite worried,but I feel that in the bigger picture,with the pandemic now,I do not think I would triage very quickly.I have therefore decided to lock myself up away from the main stream,til it all dies down.
I have my blog to write and more time to educate myself.
My surgeon is now talking about removing another lobe from my lung.It will make me have to stay on oxygen,and the risk of the surgery is very high.
I am almost inoperable.
I have severe Emphysema,I have had a heart attack,I have had an aneurysm of the Brain,Hypertension that is not under control,as of yet,and a liver that will not tolerate even the chemicals needed for the anesthesia.
Oh Yeah,I feel I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place,but lets face it,there isn't much of a choice.That is all I will say about it now,cause I already have too much on my plate.
NO,This Cancer is NOT FUN.
I am still trying very hard to keep positive,although this post doesn't sound like it.I still look forward to every morning,and thankful that I have been given another day.
My new normal is getting worse,but again,I know there are others worse off than me.
To see me in person,you would never know anything was wrong with me.I actually look better now,than ten years ago.The reason for that is that I quit drinking after being diagnosed with "Cirrhosis of the Liver"in 2002.
I really am not a whiner,and my pain threshold is pretty good.I also do not want to paint a pretty picture of what cancer is like,It is Not.
I believe it really makes a big difference how you deal with everything in your mind.If you feel miserable inside ,it will make the outside worse.
When the pain in my back is so bad,I put on a movie.It really does help to take your mind of it for awhile.
SO,Til next time ...

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

NO NEWS is NOT GOOD!

Welcome everyone.I am guilty of not writing lately.We had our youngest son with us for the summer,so things got a bit crazy around here.We are used to our own space,so it set me back a bit.
To bring you up to date....They did the Brain scan on September 9th.I contacted my GPs receptionist,who said they found something abnormal,but they wanted me to take the contrast dye to be able to focus more on what they found.Well,Here I am almost a month later waiting for another CT scan.The report shows I have or have had an "Infarction" of the brain.Now folks,this means I have had a stroke.Well,I am the most surprised as I am sure I would have shown some residual affects from such.I am so worried now,because what if I am having a stroke,and their delay could cause me death or disability.I know our medical system is busy, but I would think they would give me another scan right away.I am taking baby aspirin for now,and praying that this isn't another year of worry.
If I have had a stroke,then I am truly blessed to have survived it.

Going off that subject.I had "Bells Palsy a few years back and was fortunate to have a minor problem.My left side of my mouth has a slight droop to it,but I know of worst cases.And,if that isn't that cats meow on the silent stroke thing,two months ago they told me I had a silent Heart attack.My God,I am such a loud person to have had all these silent things.I am sure that the ekg was right,and I am thankful I survived,but shouldn't I be on some medications to prevent a further occurrence.Doctors are just too busy to personalize each case I guess.
I hate all this waiting for the diagnosis.My specialists are doing tests all the time,but nothing is being done.
Maybe I shouldnt complain,but I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place right now.It is the Not knowing that kills me.
On a lighter note.I have been reading a lot of your blogs on cancer,and will surely hear from you in the future.
meanwhile,check out
http://beingcancer.net
This blog helps us all to realise we are not alone.

Til next time ,Remember

DON"T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe