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Saturday, November 20, 2010

THE CHOICE TO DIE

I would like to choose how I die.I do not imagine one normally gives much thought to that.After receiving all my death notices from my doctors,I am starting to realise that I am not dealing with too many life choices.
I feel like I would like a "Grand Departure".
I am on "hold" right now from some real devastating news.The Lung Cancer in my right lung has not returned at this point,Thank God!My emphysema has worsened,and of course with part of my lung removed,my breathing is quite bad.An MRI awaits me and some endoscopy to find and perhaps blast some kidney or bladder stone that have formed.Oh!Lovely.
How can I concentrate on living with all this on my mind.So.....I have decided to plan and be prepared to die.
As morbid as this sounds,it is my reality.I have already tried "living in the moment".It is impossible.I find myself,lying to myself.How could I sit there on a Monday and plan for Friday?Every time I try to plan,something comes up with my health and it doesn't work out.
I just want to plan my demise.I want to see people now,not at my funeral.I want to have a honeymoon after being married for 41 years and never having even a vacation.I want to right all the wrongs I have done.I want to most of all,Prepare my family to continue without me.I want my loved ones to know that ,I have no regrets.
I am probably not going to die tomorrow,but I might.my odds are pretty good in that favor.I knew,and know that I want to live,but the wanting doesn't matter here.I want to be brave and face the reality of this.
I also want to believe.....
so til next time remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

9 comments:

TaDa said...

Wow.... you have to think positive... I was third stage and beat it

Anonymous said...

Also there is better information out there. Take for example the DVD on Cancer put out by David Getoff:
http://healthierpyramid.com/cancerDVD

Anonymous said...

God bless you. I will keep you in prayer. I think your post is brave and you should do all the things you want to do before it's to late. Sounds like you are being realistic, but stay positive. This is probably stupid to say since I don't know your particular situation, but try reading the book "The Cure," by Dr. Timothy Brantley. It saved my life and hopefully...

Anonymous said...

I know this is a weird comment that you usually don't get however, my Uncle died of lung cancer in January. For English class we had to choose a dream we want to accomplish by the end of the year. For this dream we had to find our dream environment and find someone to interview within that environment. Well my dream was to start a health awareness blog about lung cancer and i was wondering if you could be the person i interview because you are extremely positive and you have a blog started so you could give me some tips and help with starting my blog. you can either comment me back or you can email at soccer0312@neo.rr.com. Thanks so much. and if you don't feel comfortable being interviewed that is totally fine!

gastric bypass surgery Los Angeles said...

I could not expect to imagine the pain you must be in.You have a right to choose.But choose what makes you happy.There is a lot of advanced medical science but above all there is a world of magic and miracle which is the guiding light of life.Let that help you find happiness and peace.

natural_cosmetics said...

nice posting.Ayurveda

Dr. Ordon plastic surgeon said...

Don't be so upset.There are times when you feel depression but come out of it and breathe fresh air.take a holiday and go to a seaside.Do whatever you want to with the ongoing medication on your body.There is a need for you to take it easy and let life play as it wants.

Anonymous said...

No one can flip that switch and make it all better for you, but I have faith that you will make it through this and be a better person for it! We all have trials in our lives. Concur yours! Be Positive. I will pray for you. God Bless.

Annette said...

God Bless You. Thank you for sharing your experience so that it may help others. :)