I am Scared,but not because of Halloween

Hello all!Thank you Sue,and the best of luck in the future, and all the others that left a comment.All of your well wishes and prayers,really make a difference in my life.I really do not have a lot of friends.My husband retired a few years ago,and that is when I got ill.We have always spent most ,in fact all of our time together,so sometimes now it gets a little too quiet.So,Please keep writing,I appreciate it.
I am having such respiratory problems lately.
I am dealing with Pneumonia,again.In fact since May,this is the third time.NOT GOOD!
I have the part of my lung removed,and I have severe Emphysema.I am very frightened that I will be going on oxygen in the very near future.I really am in dire straits.
Last month I could walk around the malls,today,I am having a hard time to even bend over.With the H 1N1 out,I really do not think I want to go to an emergency room,because of all the germs floating around in there.I have all the signs of that flu,and definitely have the horrible aches and pains,that could just be the seasonal one,I hope.
I am also a prime candidate for the shot,and we have run out of supply.I am one of the unlucky ones who didn't get it.
I was afraid at first to take the shot,as with pneumonia and the flu already,I was sure it would kill me or something.
So,I am sitting here quite worried,but I feel that in the bigger picture,with the pandemic now,I do not think I would triage very quickly.I have therefore decided to lock myself up away from the main stream,til it all dies down.
I have my blog to write and more time to educate myself.
My surgeon is now talking about removing another lobe from my lung.It will make me have to stay on oxygen,and the risk of the surgery is very high.
I am almost inoperable.
I have severe Emphysema,I have had a heart attack,I have had an aneurysm of the Brain,Hypertension that is not under control,as of yet,and a liver that will not tolerate even the chemicals needed for the anesthesia.
Oh Yeah,I feel I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place,but lets face it,there isn't much of a choice.That is all I will say about it now,cause I already have too much on my plate.
NO,This Cancer is NOT FUN.
I am still trying very hard to keep positive,although this post doesn't sound like it.I still look forward to every morning,and thankful that I have been given another day.
My new normal is getting worse,but again,I know there are others worse off than me.
To see me in person,you would never know anything was wrong with me.I actually look better now,than ten years ago.The reason for that is that I quit drinking after being diagnosed with "Cirrhosis of the Liver"in 2002.
I really am not a whiner,and my pain threshold is pretty good.I also do not want to paint a pretty picture of what cancer is like,It is Not.
I believe it really makes a big difference how you deal with everything in your mind.If you feel miserable inside ,it will make the outside worse.
When the pain in my back is so bad,I put on a movie.It really does help to take your mind of it for awhile.
SO,Til next time ...

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

NO NEWS is NOT GOOD!

Welcome everyone.I am guilty of not writing lately.We had our youngest son with us for the summer,so things got a bit crazy around here.We are used to our own space,so it set me back a bit.
To bring you up to date....They did the Brain scan on September 9th.I contacted my GPs receptionist,who said they found something abnormal,but they wanted me to take the contrast dye to be able to focus more on what they found.Well,Here I am almost a month later waiting for another CT scan.The report shows I have or have had an "Infarction" of the brain.Now folks,this means I have had a stroke.Well,I am the most surprised as I am sure I would have shown some residual affects from such.I am so worried now,because what if I am having a stroke,and their delay could cause me death or disability.I know our medical system is busy, but I would think they would give me another scan right away.I am taking baby aspirin for now,and praying that this isn't another year of worry.
If I have had a stroke,then I am truly blessed to have survived it.

Going off that subject.I had "Bells Palsy a few years back and was fortunate to have a minor problem.My left side of my mouth has a slight droop to it,but I know of worst cases.And,if that isn't that cats meow on the silent stroke thing,two months ago they told me I had a silent Heart attack.My God,I am such a loud person to have had all these silent things.I am sure that the ekg was right,and I am thankful I survived,but shouldn't I be on some medications to prevent a further occurrence.Doctors are just too busy to personalize each case I guess.
I hate all this waiting for the diagnosis.My specialists are doing tests all the time,but nothing is being done.
Maybe I shouldnt complain,but I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place right now.It is the Not knowing that kills me.
On a lighter note.I have been reading a lot of your blogs on cancer,and will surely hear from you in the future.
meanwhile,check out
http://beingcancer.net
This blog helps us all to realise we are not alone.

Til next time ,Remember

DON"T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Lung Cancer and All Those Doctor Visits

This post is just my personal experience on my doctor visits.I have read a lot of clinical information on the net.I have followed clinical research on my cancer..When the doctor told me I had lung cancer,I was on the internet for hours every day.What was really happening with my body?What has caused it to want to die?

I therefore consider myself to have some knowledge of the medical facts with regard to my lung cancer.

I have a non-small cell stage 1.I have had a lobe of my lung successfully removed and I am in my 42nd month of clear check ups.
My Doctor has saved my life,truthfully,a few times in the last 15 years.
He listens to me.
He was able to pick up from the symptoms I gave him and head me off to see a specialist in the required field of my ailment.For example;I found a lump in my breast and within a week ,I had a mammogram,and a biopsy,which Thank God,revealed that it was not cancer.He believed me and he acted on that.One other time,he knew that I was drinking a lot.He suggested I see a specialist,again,and the specialist saved my life.I was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the Liver.I was on the edge of death. I didn't get there a minute too soon,or a minute too late.I stopped drinking after that scare and have remained sober with a regenerated liver for the last seven years.
Yes,Communication with your doctor is one of the best life savers there is.
Doctors have too many patients now days,and really no patience.Pardon the pun.They do not have the time to really spend listening to all our aches and pains and every other problems we have. My suggestion is,to write things down.Don't make a big list,and in fact just concentrate on getting to the point with your physician as quickly as you can.I know of a lot of doctors that do not let their patients do too much of the talking,and that I think is a big mistake.
I like and appreciate when doctors show RESPECT for ME.I like when a doctor shakes my hand.I like when they take the time to listen.
I find some doctors,like other professions,have attitudes.I have noticed the disgust in their faces,when they know that I smoked .I have felt stereo typed when they have read my file that says I was a drinker.I sometimes feel that that is when we fall between the cracks.
When I was first diagnosed with lung cancer,it felt like the doctor was just telling me something he says everyday.He showed no emotion.It was so matter of fact.I agree though that at that point it was urgent to operate rather than talk.I had a two week warning before they cut the right lobe of my lung off and also removed a two inch tumor.
Wow!That was all so fast it seems when I look back at it now.The emotional dealing with this is the hardest part.I have never had a councillor or anyone ever suggest to me to join a group of others in my situation.I have not received any emotional help from the medical system.
I have dealt with my cancer through you,the readers.I have been able to write about what I am feeling,and I am now starting to feel some relief.
I am also thinking of a start up with others in my area,perhaps one night a week,just to talk about that hard word to say .the "C" word.
My advise to you who have recently been diagnosed is;Get a GOOD DOCTOR!Be informed about your condition.And,The most important of all,find someone to talk to,or find an outlet for that silent pain.
and Remember.....

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

TIME;Is it Running Out?

Tomorrow morning I have to have a CT scan to look for a brain tumor.I am very worried about getting the results for this test.

Lately,I have acquired headaches.I guess headaches are pretty common,but I have never really had a problem with them myself.

My waves of nausea,which I have had for four years,are turning into vomiting.I have also been having uncontrolled spasms in my hands and feet.

Three of my oncologists have agreed that the symptoms call for a further review,hence the scan of the brain.

I have read that Brain Cancer is common as a secondary cancer to lung cancer.I suppose it is because they are close to each other.

I have also read that Brain Cancer kills you fast.

One has so many problems dealing with dying physically,and to have the responsibility of putting everything in order so quickly before you die,just throws me.

My God,I have been dealing with dying for 7 years now,and I have complained.I am alive now and I have had that time,so my heart goes out to those that were not given that time.

I do not want to know that I will die tomorrow.I have so many things I still want to do.

I met a lady three years ago that was diagnosed with three to five tumors in her brain.She was alive for three years.She had chemotherapy,and radiation treatments,but she had some time.I have heard that the prognosis on Brain Cancer is not very good.I am so afraid that the test will be positive and they will tell me I only have a couple of months.

I know I shouldn't think that nor should I worry til I know,but I can not help it.

Over the years of writing this blog,my research has been plentiful.I am aware of the spread of secondary cancers.I have tests on all other parts of my body to check for further spread.I have been blessed,all results have been negative.This one really worries me though,as the headaches are pretty bad now and are lasting longer.



I have another mountain to face,but I will get over it too.

Thank You all for your comments and support.You are a blessing!

Til next time Take Care and Remember



DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

My Life Has a Mind

The aches and pains,the agony of not knowing what is coming next.
Cancer really sucks!
The diagnosis of Lung Cancer,Emphysema,Cirrhosis of the Liver,Heart attack,seizures,and diabetes,etc.etc.etc.has really gotten me down mentally as well as physically.
My life really does have a Mind.
My body gets up every morning,and Thank God,I am not attached to IV's or any other supports.I am in my own home.My body is at rest right now
But....I have had so many tests lately,so many scares.
The MRI'S,CT scans,ultra sounds of the heart and abdomen,these tests yield results and it is the results that scare me.
I have terminal lung cancer.The word says it all,doesn't it?
This was a positive journey as far as the physical ailments are concerned.I am still unable to be employed full time,and now can only do my passion and past career part time.
The tests showed that I have had a heart attack in the past.They say it was a silent heart attack.I guess it must have been,because other wise I am sure i would have known.The tests regarding my enlarged bile duct,turned out to be negative for Pancreatic Cancer.Thank God,again for that.
It is the mental distress any disease,fatal or not ,that takes its toll on so many.
I know that early diagnosis does save lives.I just sometimes wonder why I am bothering to go through all these tests.

I know I have Lung Cancer,I know I am going to die soon.Why do I really need to know anything else.
It seems the only time I get out lately is to see a doctor.
I also know how very lucky we are in this country to have doctors to see.
Don't get me wrong,I will always make the right choice,I hope.
I will however give a lot of thought to my last days.
I know that lung cancer is very painful in the end.I also know that I will have to have chemo in the near future.
I also know that at that point in time,I will have a lot of decisions on whether I even want to extend what will probably be a very painful existence.

When my time comes closer with each day that passes I hope to share with you some of my views on the different kinds of cancer treatments,and how and when we should consider them.

Though this post sounds so down,I still want you to remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

P.S Great Blog about all types of cancers and all types of people about to,or having to,face Cancer.Good Reads .check it out at
www.beingcancer.net

Lung Cancer:So Many Questions??

What happens to us when we are told we are going to die?
Where in the brain,where in the spirit do we go?
Who do we tell first?What plans should we be making?Where do we go from here?
These are just some of the questions I had in my mind,and still do.
Sure there are those few moments,that I am not always concentrating on the answers.
Lately,with the way I have been feeling,the fear is starting to rise in me again.
I had to go to emergency a few days ago.I had a very high blood pressure,almost off the charts.I had pneumonia and was having difficulty breathing.
I explained that I had lung cancer and was being treated for a chest infection.They gave me a chest xray and an EKG.Thank God ,the EKG showed I was not having a heart attack.The chest xray was questionable,even to the doctor.She was unsure what she was seeing in the chest xray,and was not sure if it was the pneumonia,that was going on,or the Lung Cancer,showing up again.
Well,that was a few days ago,so you can imagine how I feel.
I have a Ct scan to look for a Brain Tumor ,on September 9th.
I am really starting to get mentally and physically exhausted.
How can I pull myself out of this gloom?How can I keep a smile on my face for my family,so they do not worry?
Questions with no answers.That is the Emotional pain of disease of any kind.
The diagnosis of a Fatal Disease such as Lung Cancer,just awakens us to the realisation,that yes,we are human,and we do get sick,we are not infallible.
The acceptance of my fate has not yet happened to me.
I still DO BELIEVE that I will get through all this.Maybe there is no hope in reality,but I believe that "Think it ,So Be It".
I am going to keep thinking and praying that next time I post ,I might have found some answers.
I am sure open to your suggestions,or comments on how you might have dealt with all of these annoying,but normal problems.

Til next time ....Remember


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

LUNG CANCER:Desperate Times,Desperate Measures

I would like to take you to some emotional and physical aspects on your journey through Lung Cancer.


There are trials and tribulations.This blog is about some of mine,and not necessarily going to be the same as you.


Most of you that visit are living with cancer or know someone who is.Lung Cancer is only one of the cancers out there.Lung Cancer is the leading cause of death .





I had no idea I had lung cancer.Sure,I had been a smoker for a number of years and I had a bad cough,but even then,it just never occurred to me.I guess I thought that I was too young to die and that it only happened to older people.I had also been given a diagnosis of pneumonia for the prior three months.


I didn't cry when the surgeon told me.I just listened to my options.I decided within minutes that I would have the surgery to remove a 2" tumor from my lung.


I was at the hospital two weeks later on an operating table.The surgeon said my odds were not that great to make the operation,as I had high blood pressure,heart disease and liver disease.There was a 20% chance that I would not survive,but I heard in my mind that there was an 80% chance that I would.I liked my way of thinking.


They put me to sleep and that was all there was.I woke up with an array of machinery around me,but I was happy when I saw my husband and I knew I had made it.


I was really cut up though.They had to go in through my back to get the right lobe of the lung.I have a twelve inch scar,that is starting to fade now.I had 21 staples that were the size to build a house.They placed a chest tube to drain any clots that might have formed during the operation.That was the physical extent.They were giving me great medications for the pain ,and I felt normal.The stay after this procedure is usually 7-10 days,I was out in four.


The pathology report came a few weeks later and the diagnosis was stage 1 non small cell bronchial aveolear Cancer,or BAC,as it is known.


The thing was, that this cancer is normally found in people who DO NOT smoke.It is a rare cancer ,accounting for about 14-17% of all cancers.


I was so fortunate to have found the cancer early.I had great doctors and access to some good hospitals.


I now was left with not knowing what was going to happen next.Here we are at the emotional part.


I thought I should get prepared to die.I started to write letters to my sons and my mom and husband.I laid awake at night worrying what they would do without me.I was not scared to die,I just didn't want to hurt them.I guess that is a typical feeling with us women and mothers and wives.


I did not want to be a martyr either.I kept up my smile and didn't let anybody know how I really felt.In fact ,this blog holds my diary through those days.


Please read my posts from beginning to end as they tell this journey in time sequence better than my immediate posts.
Desperate times do call for desperate measures.I know that my disease is fatal.I also thought I would have died three years ago.I am here today because I was well enough to be able to continue my life normally.I know that many others can not.I also really know that when they say "Live for Today",that ,that is the best philosophy, to live by.
I have a lot of other problems arising now that are related to the first diagnosis,of Lung Cancer.I have a scan for a "Brain Tumor" coming in September.I have on going tests for the last three years as well.
Physically I sometimes have challenges,but emotionally,I am learning to deal with it.

Thank You all again for your comments and well wishes,.

So til next time ,Remember


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

I Cried because I had no shoes,until....

Welcome.

Yes,I have been crying on here for three years now.I have been reading a lot of lung cancer blogs because it makes me feel like I am not the only one dealing with this disease.I was reading a story about a lady named "Doreen',and she writes a beautiful story.I had no idea how well off I was compared to her and her families problem, and so many others,that are in worse shape than me.

I realise now that some people couldn't even type on here to be able to tell their side of things.

You can read "Dor 's " blogs at
http://thepamperedpatient.com/
There are lots of great stories there on all types of cancers.
she is listed under lung cancer and her blog is listed as lung cancer survivor 06.
Going back to the title of this story.
I cried because I had no shoes,until I saw a man with no feet.

I will change the subject now and would like to tell you that the CT of my Heart came back NORMAL.
I am so happy about that.I had to kind of laugh though when the heart doctor,of course not realising I had lung cancer,says";You are going to live a long life."That would have been wonderful,but the reality is not that.
I have started getting severe headaches and I am vomiting regularly now.I have one more test to come.I had a CT scan of my Brain scheduled for March.I just didn't want to deal with it then,so I cancelled.
My doctors and me all expect that with my symptoms,I most likely have a "Brain Tumor".
I have just recently found this out.
The pain is so intense in my head that I can't even be in any light , and the sound of a pin dropping would make me screech.
I am just taking aspirin now,but I See my GP in a week and we will go from there,again!

Sad news about "Farrah Fawcett" last week and we also lost "Micheal Jackson".All of us older ones are losing lots of people we cared about.
I would like to Thank You all for bearing with my lack of posts,I will try to keep up more.

Til then...Remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

There is a Silver Lining

Hello everyone.
I have written many posts on here over the last three years.
I have shared with you my trials and my tribulations through "Lung Cancer"Cirrhosis of the Liver" and much more.
I hope that I helped some of you with knowing that others go through some of the same emotions as you do.
Cancer of any kind is so cruel in so many ways.It affects so many others than the patient.
I have not written so much on this blog about all the physical aspects of lung cancer.I do not profess the knowledge to do that.There are so many other wonderful sites that provide that information.
I started this blog with a positive attitude.I know I have had great concerns over the last few months,and I feel like I am whining.
Besides,It saves my husband from having to listen to it.
All Kidding aside,I have been to a lot of doctors and have endured many tests lately.
But in keeping with my "believe" theme of this blog,and of this disease I must tell you some good things.
My lung cancer has Not returned to my lung.The next check up is not til November.YEAH!
The stress test and heart ultra sound was normal.The doctor telling me that I would live a long life.Great News.
My livers enzymes have returned to normal.Amazing what a wonder organ the liver is to rehabilitate like that.
My bone scan revealed that the cancer had not spread to the bones.

Yes,God is surely with me.
So there is some silver lining in this black cloud!

I hope that those of you who have bad days,have good ones too.

Remember.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Lying in Wait

Thank You all for your concerns and well wishes.

I saw my lung doctor last week.I had a chest xray,and Thank God,the cancer growth has NOT returned on my lung.He felt my neck ,and the lymph nodes area.He noticed that the lymph nodes were swollen,but didnt seem concerned at this point.

That is wonderful news.

I think I mentioned in my last

post that I was scheduled for an ultra sound of the heart,also.I had a stress test on the tread mill with all the wires attached to monitor my vitals.I have yet to receive the results on that test.I have apparently had a heart attack in the past,so they say.I think I would have remembered,but they say it must have been a "silent" heart attack,so that is why they are checking me out.

I developed a swollen face a month ago ,as well,and had all my doctors quite concerned.The reason they were concerned was that a swollen face with lung cancer can be something called"superior vena cara obstuction".That is when the lung cancer grows and causes an obstruction on the main vein in the body.The chest xray showed no signs of the disease.

That is also good news.

Now I must try to diagnose the reason for the swelling of the face.I have had almost every blood test known to man and mris and chest xrays,and everything turned out negative.I will work with my GP to obtain some more blood work to clear this up.The appearance of my face is not a worry.The fact that this could be connected to something more serious is.

The doctors had thought it was an allergy to a new drug they put me on,but as it turns out that was Not the case,the mystery goes on.

I am so thankful for the results of the lung cancer not returning that I can see a little clearer into another day.

The heart results will matter as what I will still be able to do.I am concerned,but do not want to sit and worry until it is time.

I haven't posted on here for awhile due to going through a bad spell for the last couple of months.I hope to keep you posted on the latest results of this crazy,but incredible journey more often in the future.

Thanks again all...

Til next time



DON'T STOP BELIEVING!



Believe

Lung Cancer: The beginning,again

Another four month check up coming.This appointment is for the surgeon who did my lung operation.
Here we go again.I really haven't had much of a break from all the doctors the last few months,so this is very tiring.
I will have a chest xray,again,then he will put it in the light,and then tell me whether or not the cancer has returned,or gone on to stage 2.
This appointment is the worst.I find myself in the waiting room making so many promises to myself.I sit there thinking of all the things I meant to do,four months ago.I wonder if I will get another chance.
I am calling this post the beginning again,as it is always like the first time.
When you get a diagnosis of Cancer,your world stands still for what seems like forever.You will come back to reality pretty fast though,because there will be so many decisions you will have to make.
Depending on whether you had the blessing to get an early diagnosis,you might have to decide along with your doctor to have surgery or chemo.
I was able to have the right lobe of my lung removed and for the last three years all check ups have been good news.
I am glad to have made the decision for the operation.My odds were not good for surgery,but I not only survived,I had no complications,and till now,no other treatment,Thank God.
For those of you who are not familiar with any of my posts,and have no idea what I am talking about ,please read

http://lungcancerlife.blogspot.com/2008/08/lung-cancer-is-scary-stuff-imagine.html

Thank You for your comments and prayers.
I will keep you posted on the results.

Til then Remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Looking for Hope?

Welcome again to everyone.
I am aware that most of my visitors are going through lung cancer,or know someone who is.You are the ones that I write this blog for.
Three years ago,I went to the internet for some answers,many answers.
When you are diagnosed with"Lung Cancer" or any possibly fatal disease,most of us just want to know.

When they told me I had cancer,I went blank.You never think it will happen to you,so most of the time we are not prepared.
I went to the computer and typed in lung cancer,and lo and behold,there were others that were going through this.I just felt so much better.
My point on this post is just to say that I am not an authority on lung cancer,but I would like to say that I will continue to write about the emotional part of all this and hope that you to will read my previous posts,and that you too will come to Believe.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Fatal Diagnosis :Letting it BE!

More tests ahead of me.

Good news is that the scare of "pancreatic" cancer,mentioned in my last post,was NOT found by the MRI test.The doctors other diagnosis of liver cancer was also ruled out.That is Great.The three weeks of wondering about those two fatal diseases put me in a daze.I know that Pancreatic cancer kills you fast.I started to look at life in minutes and hours.

Since the doctors have ruled out those two diseases they remain stumped as to a lot of my symptoms.

I still show a rise in the CEA blood test.That is the test they use to determine if a cancer is in you.

The waves of nausea I get,accompianed by the headaches and dizziness for 3 years has them wondering.I have been given all the tests for abdominal conditions,and they also came out negative.

Now the doctor wants me to have a brain CT scan.They think some of my symptoms represent a Brain Tumor.

All of these tests are quite concerning to me.They have told me that there is a risk associated with too many xrays.

In the past four months I have had,a nuclear radiation test for Bone Cancer.I have chest xrays every four months for the last three years to keep watch on my lung cancer.I have just had the MRI and now there heading for my brain.

I am getting close to saying "The heck with it"I sometimes think that I really do not want the actual diagnosis again.I feel okay.

"I am in good shape,for the shape I am in"

Every time I see a doctor I keep getting all this gloomy news.My husband is getting sick listening to all my talk about dying,funeral,last wishe s,etc.

I want to move on .

I have just ordered some business cards for myself and will return,with baby steps to get back into living again.

One feels like they should not make plans.

I am going to take one day at a time now,and instead of worrying so much I will just wait til they make the final diagnosis,and Hopefully after all their tests they can treat me.



So like I always say;



DON'T STOP BELIEVING!



Believe

DEALING with DYING,AGAIN.

Lung Cancer was the first diagnosis.When the surgeon told me that he had to remove part of my lung due to lung cancer,my life passed before me.All I could think about was my loss to my loved ones.I worried how they would get over it.I did not think,"poor me".
The last three years I have spoken on here about all the emotional pain that goes with this.I put my life on hold and went faithfully to every follow up appointment,waiting for the surgeon to tell me that the cancer was gone.
He has never told me that the cancer will not come back but only that I do have a fatal disease and that he is on the ready to go ahead with chemo or radiation,if necessary when he sees me.
I lived my life in four month stages waiting for the final diagnosis of Lung Cancer returning and taking my life for good.
I have been blessed, as most with this disease are not so fortunate to have had this time.
My cancer was caught early by coincidence.
My ekg had showed I had had a heart attack.Upon further investigation it was revealed that the lung was out of whack.Hence,the operation was scheduled two weeks later.I have no regrets at the quick decisions that had to be made.There are so many cases of lung cancer that are too far gone to be operable.I was diagnosed with stage 1.I have not really noticed any greater shortness of breath due to the lobe of the lung being removed.I still have emphysema,but it is manageable.
Now my point about "Dealing with Dying Again" is this.
I have recently seen a doctor who is giving me tests with regard to a new diagnosis.I have been told that I most likely have "pancreatic Cancer".
Well,My God,I have no idea how that happened.They are saying that perhaps the cancer from my lung has spread through the lymph nodes to my liver and pancreas.Well,Here I go again.
I sit here now,more so than before,and I am planning my death.
I am trying to be positive ,sure,but I have to be realistic a well.
I am not a stupid person,and I consider myself well versed on most medical situations.I am however at my wits end to deal with all this morbid doctor visit,tell me all these terrible things trip.
My poor husband.We still should have 30 years ahead of us.I still want to see grandchildren.
Right now I feel like this is the winter of my life.I want to make plans ,but again,everything is on hold until the next appointment.
I want my doctors to tell me straight out how long I have so I can make plans.But,on the other hand I want to cover my ears so I wont hear them.
I want to do so many more things before I die,and I am so afraid that the pancreatic cancer will make me very ill and unable to.
Pancreatic cancer is known as the "silent killer".I read that the life span upon diagnosis is very short.I understand it is very painful.I understand.
I think I try to get through all of this by being in a third person state.I know it is happening to me,but I try my best to try and not think about it.When I feel I am having a good day with out any aches and pains ,I find I really still do plan for a future.It helps,but it is only a temporary solution.
I am dealing with dying again,but I guess as long as I have a breath,I will always "Believe" that there still could be hope.

I want to thank you all for your comments and prayers over the last three years.You should know that everyone one of them is felt and needed.Thank You.

Doctor for results regarding the MRI for the pancreatic cancer will be February 12th.I will post on here when I know.

Til then


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Worry is a Waste of Time

Another week of worry. I had to postpone my appointment last week with the liver cancer doctor due to weather.I have had severe vomiting all week and I am counting the hours til I see him.The test is an ERCP.They will stick a long tube down my throat,yuck!,and they will probe around with a camera.Apparently,if and when they find something,they can maybe fix it right then.I understand that they can blast stones they find and also put in stents.I think they can drain excess bile as well.I am not to informed about it yet.

I am so worried.I know I said I would deal with the diagnosis at the time but it is a very good chance that my problem there in my liver,may be worse than the lung cancer.If my liver has developed cancer,that cancer would be considered secondary to the lung cancer.The liver,I think kills you quicker.

My God,I haven't much of a choice,do I?I am praying that I might just have an ulcer,or even kidney stones.That is bad to,but not as bad as finding out the cancer has metastasised from the lung.
I am not really showing signs of cirrhosis again.I have not lost weight and my skin does not have a yellow tinge.
But I worry.
These physical conditions can sure screw up your head spiritually and mentally.
My poor family is so scared as well.
I wish I could wake up and find this last three years was a nightmare.
The lung cancer in 2006,now this and apparently,last week I had an EKG and they told me I had had a heart attack.Well,That was overwhelming for me.I do not remember having a heart attack.They plan to do all the tests for that on Friday with a heart specialist.I have to go Tuesday and I kind of think they will keep me in for a few days with this "bile duct" diagnosis.My heart doctor is three days later,so I might have to cancel that appointment til I recover from the liver one.
Am I going crazy?How much more can I take.
I can sit here and write this blog,I can walk and talk and I am not on oxygen for my emphysema,so sometimes I feel like I am not that bad off.
I still wake up in the morning and Thank God every night when I have had a good day.
So,I guess I am not disillusioned that much yet.

Lung cancer,cirrosis,emphysema,heart disease,fibromalgia and I am still here.
I am sure there is a reason.

Til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING

Believe

Whats Happening Now

Hello my Dear readers.,
The new year is not starting so good for me.
Lung Cancer,Liver Disease,Emphysema,Fibromalgia,and now they want to do a test,an MRCP.This is an image xray to examine my "Bile Duct".
My doctor discovered this after a series of numerous tests.I had been reporting nausea for a few years now,and then when they found the lung cancer,the focus was on that and not such a minimal thing as nausea.
I did keep insisting that maybe my liver,which was damaged with "Cirrhosis" had some of the lung cancer cancer spread to it.
Now I found out yesterday that I might have pancreatic Cancer.
My God!How much can one take?
Will this be the straw that broke this camels back?
I do pride myself on keeping up with my health issues.I know I don't feel well,but I hate to complain because I know there are others that are a lot worse off then me.
I will take the tests ,deal with the results when I know them and let you know.
Thanks for coming back and staying in touch.Please have a Great New Year.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe










I do wish You a Happy New year.
I hope you keep your health resolutions,and keep your DR.appointments

Radon and Lung Cancer - The Connection

Radon
and Lung Cancer – The Connection

Everyone,
even the heaviest of smokers, knows that cigarettes can cause lung
cancer. But not many people know that there’s a substance
called radon that’s the second-highest contributor to the
number of lung cancer deaths. Radon, for those of you in the dark, is
a radioactive gas that’s released from the natural uranium
present in rocks, water and the soil.

The
connection between lung cancer and radon was first discovered when
large numbers of workers in uranium mines died of the disease. And
for non-smokers who are surprised to find themselves diagnosed with
lung cancer, you don’t have to look further than radon for the
culprit.

Some
homes are more exposed to radon than others because of their
proximity to soil that’s rich in uranium. Apartments that are
at the basement level and ground and first floors, and houses that
are tightly insulated are prone to have higher levels of radiation
from radon because they may be built on soil that contains a large
amount of uranium.

Radon,
when it decays, emanates tiny radioactive particles which go into
your lungs when you breathe and cause damage to your cells over the
years. According to the EPA, it causes 20,000 deaths every year in
the USA alone. The prognosis is not good for survivors – even
if the disease is detected in the early stages, they are not expected
to live for more than five years beyond the date of the initial
diagnosis.

Radon
testing can tell you if your house has safe levels of radioactive
elements and if you’re at risk for cancer. You can ask for a
radon testing kit to determine for yourself if your home is exposed
to high levels of radiation; alternatively, you can get someone to do
the testing for you. If your home is found to have radon levels
greater than or equal to 4 pCi/L or more, you can have it fixed.

Lung
cancer, especially those cases that are caused by radon and
secondhand smoke can be prevented if you’re careful enough. If
you’re not sure about the radiation levels in a house you’re
going to buy (or rent), you can check out the websites of the U.S.
Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
and the National
Safety Council
– both agencies jointly operate a hotline that you can call for
more information on radon and areas that are known to be hotbeds of
the radioactive gas.

By-line:

This
post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject
of CNA
certification.
She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

I have just gotten my results back for the chest xray.I waited the last six months for a five minute appointment.In that picture of my chest was my future.
When I go to the doctor,that day an xray of the chest is taken.You take your xray to the front desk and then you get called in to see the surgeon/oncologist.You wait to exhale when he looks at it.
I am so very happy and Thankful to report to you that my xray showed No signs of the cancer returning to the previous area of the right lobe of the lung.
My doctor has however ordered a Cat Scan ,to be able to really see any tumors that might be hiding.
I am still short of breath with the emphysema.I so far do not have to take oxygen,but I might ask for some for the evenings.
So,I shall move on now to planning Christmas with my family and pray they do not find anything else.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Lung Cancer Diagnosis Dilema

I still feel like I am in shock.I remember the day my doctor told me he had found a 2 inch tumor on my lung.I am sure that at that time the old me ran and hid somewhere else,and I do not know if I can find her again.
There are days that I think in the third person.I try to sit on my sideline,and ponder what I would have been doing,had this not happened.
I guess God has a plan for me,but the road to it is not so easy at times.
I guess it must be worth fighting for,and I know that is what keeps me going.
My upper back,or what I call my lungs,has been very sore lately.I have pain in the left side.I had the cancer removed from my right lung,so maybe it has spread?

Diagnosis of any fatal disease must be so hard for everybody.The lung cancer is a bad one.There are so many people with so many emotions through all of this.I know my family is sad to see me sad.
There are days I think that I am becoming impatient with all the doctor appointments.Those days are thankfully getting fewer,as I try to stretch my survival to the limit.
Prognosis is also the hard one to deal with;If there is nothing they can do,then why bother going on in your mind?
I have so many questions I ask myself.I do not think I have found any answers.

Til next time

Don't Stop Believing!


Believe

Counting my Blessings,Again



My lung cancer has not spread,as far as I know.My breathing is short,but I still have breath.My fibromalgia is under control,and I have not had an angina attack for months.
YES,I am COUNTING my Blessings.One by One , Day by Day.

This time on here a couple of years ago I was thankful for being alive.I am not only thankful now I am amazed that I have gone this long ,this well,with the lung cancer and cirrhosis.

I see my lung doctor on November 18th.I will always be afraid of that day.I will sit in that waiting room,and I will make promises again to myself.
I will promise to cherish everyday and every moment with my loved ones.I will pray inside that the cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes or to my liver.
I will pray that I have one more chance.

I will sit down tonight with my family and enjoy our Thanksgiving.

Thank you to all of you that have kept following me on this,you have all been my angels.

Please take care of yourselves.
Happy Thanks Giving to all my Canadian readers.


and remember


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe