I Cried because I had no shoes,until....

Welcome.

Yes,I have been crying on here for three years now.I have been reading a lot of lung cancer blogs because it makes me feel like I am not the only one dealing with this disease.I was reading a story about a lady named "Doreen',and she writes a beautiful story.I had no idea how well off I was compared to her and her families problem, and so many others,that are in worse shape than me.

I realise now that some people couldn't even type on here to be able to tell their side of things.

You can read "Dor 's " blogs at
http://thepamperedpatient.com/
There are lots of great stories there on all types of cancers.
she is listed under lung cancer and her blog is listed as lung cancer survivor 06.
Going back to the title of this story.
I cried because I had no shoes,until I saw a man with no feet.

I will change the subject now and would like to tell you that the CT of my Heart came back NORMAL.
I am so happy about that.I had to kind of laugh though when the heart doctor,of course not realising I had lung cancer,says";You are going to live a long life."That would have been wonderful,but the reality is not that.
I have started getting severe headaches and I am vomiting regularly now.I have one more test to come.I had a CT scan of my Brain scheduled for March.I just didn't want to deal with it then,so I cancelled.
My doctors and me all expect that with my symptoms,I most likely have a "Brain Tumor".
I have just recently found this out.
The pain is so intense in my head that I can't even be in any light , and the sound of a pin dropping would make me screech.
I am just taking aspirin now,but I See my GP in a week and we will go from there,again!

Sad news about "Farrah Fawcett" last week and we also lost "Micheal Jackson".All of us older ones are losing lots of people we cared about.
I would like to Thank You all for bearing with my lack of posts,I will try to keep up more.

Til then...Remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

There is a Silver Lining

Hello everyone.
I have written many posts on here over the last three years.
I have shared with you my trials and my tribulations through "Lung Cancer"Cirrhosis of the Liver" and much more.
I hope that I helped some of you with knowing that others go through some of the same emotions as you do.
Cancer of any kind is so cruel in so many ways.It affects so many others than the patient.
I have not written so much on this blog about all the physical aspects of lung cancer.I do not profess the knowledge to do that.There are so many other wonderful sites that provide that information.
I started this blog with a positive attitude.I know I have had great concerns over the last few months,and I feel like I am whining.
Besides,It saves my husband from having to listen to it.
All Kidding aside,I have been to a lot of doctors and have endured many tests lately.
But in keeping with my "believe" theme of this blog,and of this disease I must tell you some good things.
My lung cancer has Not returned to my lung.The next check up is not til November.YEAH!
The stress test and heart ultra sound was normal.The doctor telling me that I would live a long life.Great News.
My livers enzymes have returned to normal.Amazing what a wonder organ the liver is to rehabilitate like that.
My bone scan revealed that the cancer had not spread to the bones.

Yes,God is surely with me.
So there is some silver lining in this black cloud!

I hope that those of you who have bad days,have good ones too.

Remember.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Lying in Wait

Thank You all for your concerns and well wishes.

I saw my lung doctor last week.I had a chest xray,and Thank God,the cancer growth has NOT returned on my lung.He felt my neck ,and the lymph nodes area.He noticed that the lymph nodes were swollen,but didnt seem concerned at this point.

That is wonderful news.

I think I mentioned in my last

post that I was scheduled for an ultra sound of the heart,also.I had a stress test on the tread mill with all the wires attached to monitor my vitals.I have yet to receive the results on that test.I have apparently had a heart attack in the past,so they say.I think I would have remembered,but they say it must have been a "silent" heart attack,so that is why they are checking me out.

I developed a swollen face a month ago ,as well,and had all my doctors quite concerned.The reason they were concerned was that a swollen face with lung cancer can be something called"superior vena cara obstuction".That is when the lung cancer grows and causes an obstruction on the main vein in the body.The chest xray showed no signs of the disease.

That is also good news.

Now I must try to diagnose the reason for the swelling of the face.I have had almost every blood test known to man and mris and chest xrays,and everything turned out negative.I will work with my GP to obtain some more blood work to clear this up.The appearance of my face is not a worry.The fact that this could be connected to something more serious is.

The doctors had thought it was an allergy to a new drug they put me on,but as it turns out that was Not the case,the mystery goes on.

I am so thankful for the results of the lung cancer not returning that I can see a little clearer into another day.

The heart results will matter as what I will still be able to do.I am concerned,but do not want to sit and worry until it is time.

I haven't posted on here for awhile due to going through a bad spell for the last couple of months.I hope to keep you posted on the latest results of this crazy,but incredible journey more often in the future.

Thanks again all...

Til next time



DON'T STOP BELIEVING!



Believe

Lung Cancer: The beginning,again

Another four month check up coming.This appointment is for the surgeon who did my lung operation.
Here we go again.I really haven't had much of a break from all the doctors the last few months,so this is very tiring.
I will have a chest xray,again,then he will put it in the light,and then tell me whether or not the cancer has returned,or gone on to stage 2.
This appointment is the worst.I find myself in the waiting room making so many promises to myself.I sit there thinking of all the things I meant to do,four months ago.I wonder if I will get another chance.
I am calling this post the beginning again,as it is always like the first time.
When you get a diagnosis of Cancer,your world stands still for what seems like forever.You will come back to reality pretty fast though,because there will be so many decisions you will have to make.
Depending on whether you had the blessing to get an early diagnosis,you might have to decide along with your doctor to have surgery or chemo.
I was able to have the right lobe of my lung removed and for the last three years all check ups have been good news.
I am glad to have made the decision for the operation.My odds were not good for surgery,but I not only survived,I had no complications,and till now,no other treatment,Thank God.
For those of you who are not familiar with any of my posts,and have no idea what I am talking about ,please read

http://lungcancerlife.blogspot.com/2008/08/lung-cancer-is-scary-stuff-imagine.html

Thank You for your comments and prayers.
I will keep you posted on the results.

Til then Remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Looking for Hope?

Welcome again to everyone.
I am aware that most of my visitors are going through lung cancer,or know someone who is.You are the ones that I write this blog for.
Three years ago,I went to the internet for some answers,many answers.
When you are diagnosed with"Lung Cancer" or any possibly fatal disease,most of us just want to know.

When they told me I had cancer,I went blank.You never think it will happen to you,so most of the time we are not prepared.
I went to the computer and typed in lung cancer,and lo and behold,there were others that were going through this.I just felt so much better.
My point on this post is just to say that I am not an authority on lung cancer,but I would like to say that I will continue to write about the emotional part of all this and hope that you to will read my previous posts,and that you too will come to Believe.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Fatal Diagnosis :Letting it BE!

More tests ahead of me.

Good news is that the scare of "pancreatic" cancer,mentioned in my last post,was NOT found by the MRI test.The doctors other diagnosis of liver cancer was also ruled out.That is Great.The three weeks of wondering about those two fatal diseases put me in a daze.I know that Pancreatic cancer kills you fast.I started to look at life in minutes and hours.

Since the doctors have ruled out those two diseases they remain stumped as to a lot of my symptoms.

I still show a rise in the CEA blood test.That is the test they use to determine if a cancer is in you.

The waves of nausea I get,accompianed by the headaches and dizziness for 3 years has them wondering.I have been given all the tests for abdominal conditions,and they also came out negative.

Now the doctor wants me to have a brain CT scan.They think some of my symptoms represent a Brain Tumor.

All of these tests are quite concerning to me.They have told me that there is a risk associated with too many xrays.

In the past four months I have had,a nuclear radiation test for Bone Cancer.I have chest xrays every four months for the last three years to keep watch on my lung cancer.I have just had the MRI and now there heading for my brain.

I am getting close to saying "The heck with it"I sometimes think that I really do not want the actual diagnosis again.I feel okay.

"I am in good shape,for the shape I am in"

Every time I see a doctor I keep getting all this gloomy news.My husband is getting sick listening to all my talk about dying,funeral,last wishe s,etc.

I want to move on .

I have just ordered some business cards for myself and will return,with baby steps to get back into living again.

One feels like they should not make plans.

I am going to take one day at a time now,and instead of worrying so much I will just wait til they make the final diagnosis,and Hopefully after all their tests they can treat me.



So like I always say;



DON'T STOP BELIEVING!



Believe

DEALING with DYING,AGAIN.

Lung Cancer was the first diagnosis.When the surgeon told me that he had to remove part of my lung due to lung cancer,my life passed before me.All I could think about was my loss to my loved ones.I worried how they would get over it.I did not think,"poor me".
The last three years I have spoken on here about all the emotional pain that goes with this.I put my life on hold and went faithfully to every follow up appointment,waiting for the surgeon to tell me that the cancer was gone.
He has never told me that the cancer will not come back but only that I do have a fatal disease and that he is on the ready to go ahead with chemo or radiation,if necessary when he sees me.
I lived my life in four month stages waiting for the final diagnosis of Lung Cancer returning and taking my life for good.
I have been blessed, as most with this disease are not so fortunate to have had this time.
My cancer was caught early by coincidence.
My ekg had showed I had had a heart attack.Upon further investigation it was revealed that the lung was out of whack.Hence,the operation was scheduled two weeks later.I have no regrets at the quick decisions that had to be made.There are so many cases of lung cancer that are too far gone to be operable.I was diagnosed with stage 1.I have not really noticed any greater shortness of breath due to the lobe of the lung being removed.I still have emphysema,but it is manageable.
Now my point about "Dealing with Dying Again" is this.
I have recently seen a doctor who is giving me tests with regard to a new diagnosis.I have been told that I most likely have "pancreatic Cancer".
Well,My God,I have no idea how that happened.They are saying that perhaps the cancer from my lung has spread through the lymph nodes to my liver and pancreas.Well,Here I go again.
I sit here now,more so than before,and I am planning my death.
I am trying to be positive ,sure,but I have to be realistic a well.
I am not a stupid person,and I consider myself well versed on most medical situations.I am however at my wits end to deal with all this morbid doctor visit,tell me all these terrible things trip.
My poor husband.We still should have 30 years ahead of us.I still want to see grandchildren.
Right now I feel like this is the winter of my life.I want to make plans ,but again,everything is on hold until the next appointment.
I want my doctors to tell me straight out how long I have so I can make plans.But,on the other hand I want to cover my ears so I wont hear them.
I want to do so many more things before I die,and I am so afraid that the pancreatic cancer will make me very ill and unable to.
Pancreatic cancer is known as the "silent killer".I read that the life span upon diagnosis is very short.I understand it is very painful.I understand.
I think I try to get through all of this by being in a third person state.I know it is happening to me,but I try my best to try and not think about it.When I feel I am having a good day with out any aches and pains ,I find I really still do plan for a future.It helps,but it is only a temporary solution.
I am dealing with dying again,but I guess as long as I have a breath,I will always "Believe" that there still could be hope.

I want to thank you all for your comments and prayers over the last three years.You should know that everyone one of them is felt and needed.Thank You.

Doctor for results regarding the MRI for the pancreatic cancer will be February 12th.I will post on here when I know.

Til then


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Worry is a Waste of Time

Another week of worry. I had to postpone my appointment last week with the liver cancer doctor due to weather.I have had severe vomiting all week and I am counting the hours til I see him.The test is an ERCP.They will stick a long tube down my throat,yuck!,and they will probe around with a camera.Apparently,if and when they find something,they can maybe fix it right then.I understand that they can blast stones they find and also put in stents.I think they can drain excess bile as well.I am not to informed about it yet.

I am so worried.I know I said I would deal with the diagnosis at the time but it is a very good chance that my problem there in my liver,may be worse than the lung cancer.If my liver has developed cancer,that cancer would be considered secondary to the lung cancer.The liver,I think kills you quicker.

My God,I haven't much of a choice,do I?I am praying that I might just have an ulcer,or even kidney stones.That is bad to,but not as bad as finding out the cancer has metastasised from the lung.
I am not really showing signs of cirrhosis again.I have not lost weight and my skin does not have a yellow tinge.
But I worry.
These physical conditions can sure screw up your head spiritually and mentally.
My poor family is so scared as well.
I wish I could wake up and find this last three years was a nightmare.
The lung cancer in 2006,now this and apparently,last week I had an EKG and they told me I had had a heart attack.Well,That was overwhelming for me.I do not remember having a heart attack.They plan to do all the tests for that on Friday with a heart specialist.I have to go Tuesday and I kind of think they will keep me in for a few days with this "bile duct" diagnosis.My heart doctor is three days later,so I might have to cancel that appointment til I recover from the liver one.
Am I going crazy?How much more can I take.
I can sit here and write this blog,I can walk and talk and I am not on oxygen for my emphysema,so sometimes I feel like I am not that bad off.
I still wake up in the morning and Thank God every night when I have had a good day.
So,I guess I am not disillusioned that much yet.

Lung cancer,cirrosis,emphysema,heart disease,fibromalgia and I am still here.
I am sure there is a reason.

Til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING

Believe

Whats Happening Now

Hello my Dear readers.,
The new year is not starting so good for me.
Lung Cancer,Liver Disease,Emphysema,Fibromalgia,and now they want to do a test,an MRCP.This is an image xray to examine my "Bile Duct".
My doctor discovered this after a series of numerous tests.I had been reporting nausea for a few years now,and then when they found the lung cancer,the focus was on that and not such a minimal thing as nausea.
I did keep insisting that maybe my liver,which was damaged with "Cirrhosis" had some of the lung cancer cancer spread to it.
Now I found out yesterday that I might have pancreatic Cancer.
My God!How much can one take?
Will this be the straw that broke this camels back?
I do pride myself on keeping up with my health issues.I know I don't feel well,but I hate to complain because I know there are others that are a lot worse off then me.
I will take the tests ,deal with the results when I know them and let you know.
Thanks for coming back and staying in touch.Please have a Great New Year.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe










I do wish You a Happy New year.
I hope you keep your health resolutions,and keep your DR.appointments