Monday, May 12, 2008

What Will I Do?

Two more weeks until I see the surgeon.I am sure I have had to go through this at least fifteen times.I am really not complaining,because I know the alternative was Death.

You see,I have to have a chest xray every four months to determine if the cancer is spreading from my lung.

I practise for the moment.I see myself being told that I have stage 3 or 4 lung cancer.I wonder what will I do?

Will I change my life ,or will it change for me?

When he tells me,will I cry?Will I scream?

I will make promises again to myself,I will sink into my chair in the waiting room,and I will pretend to myself that I am not there.

I wonder when they tell me,if I will have to go to chemotherapy,what I would do.

If I will only live a little longer,I would be afraid to get so sick from the treatment.I have heard some horror stories from others who are in therapy.

We all think we will know when the time comes.I wonder if I will ever "Throw in the Towel?

I am still young and I still feel that I have so many things I would like to do.

My emphysema seems to be my biggest culprit right now.I do not know if lungs hurt,so it must be that.

I have a pain in my upper back,between the shoulder blades,but I cant tell if it is my lungs,as I have "Fibromalgia" as well.

I take a tylonal at this point in time,and I am glad I do not need the other pain killers yet.

I am so Thankful for being able to have these last 30 months.I am so Thankful.

My life as a result of the lung cancer diagnosis had actually changed .

I believe I have been given a chance for a reason.

I also hope that by reading some of my other blog posts might help you understand that you are not the only one that goes through the emotional as well as physical changes of this devastating disease of cancer.

Please read

Til next time




welcome.It is a blessing to be here with you today. I will begin from the last post .It has been awhile since I posted and hope I can catch...