Custom Search

Thursday, January 11, 2007

To DIE with DIGNITY

I see "The Surgeon" that is dealing with my "Lung Cancer"on January 31st.He will take an x-ray of my lung and tell me if my Cancer has spread.I think I already know the answer.
I am afraid this time.I feel so very tired.I do not know if this is caused by my lungs,but it must be.
I still have my positive attitude,but I am not senseless regarding the way that I feel physically.
I had good days and bad days.I now have mostly bad days.
I have "emphysema".I am having more trouble getting and keeping my breath lately.
I Thank God that I am not on oxygen,yet.
I have a Fatal Disease!The worst part of this,is the not knowing.I can read information on my type of cancer and through a bit of easy math,I can roughly figure out when I will die.
It may sound easy,but it is against the human spirit to accept this fact.
If what I read and hear about "Lung Cancer' is true,then I will die very soon.If I talked my mind into believing this,I will die sooner.
What if he tells me an exact date?Will I cry?What will I do?
Answering my own question,if I may...I will begin to prepare to leave.I will try to say all the things I have wanted to say, to all the people that I have loved.I will be thankful for allowing me the time I have had and I will hope it all had a purpose.
I hope that I can "Die with Dignity".
Why must death be such a big part of life?
Boy,I sure am starting to sound morbid.
I shall move on to latest updates;
My husband is at home and recovering nicely.Thank You for your notes and comments of well wishes.
I am looking forward to a "New Year".Last year was a bad year for us both.I do pray I will have the time to enjoy 2007.
I will keep you posted after my doctor appointment.
Thanks for staying with me.

Don't Stop Believing!

Believe