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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The Death Sentence

Welcome,my faithful friends.
I am so grateful to be writing this post to you.
I was told by the doctors,all of them,that I would pass,by December 5th.
Please,don't ask about when,just have now.
For you first time readers,a bit of a catch up on the last year.
My first diagnosis of lung cancer was 2006.I had a lobe removed in one lung and carried on,without recurrence until 2013.I started all the symptoms again,coughing,tired,breathless.
It wasn't til November last yr. That I got a chest scan that revealed a 2cm.tumor on my wind pipe.It is on the "cardina",which is a lymph node..
My diagnosis is "Adeno Carcinoma with lymph node involvement"
The oncologists told me they could not give therapy.Radiation could kill me,but surely put me on oxygen.
The chemo doctor had the same opinion.
There is no cure or hope for me.
I was sent home to die.I have no palliative care,can't afford is,so my husband,who has his own issues helps me.
I have a Do Not Recusicate order,and just told that I will probably stop breathing,but call 911,when I think it's time.
What a horrible situation.Sent home to die.I haven't seen a doctor,no blood tests,no one examining me,just some pain meds.
Well,You know me.I am having a hard time with this,even though it's true.
I still Believe,I will live awhile longer.
I am in some pain,but My spirit is good.I have equal good and bad days,and I pray a lot.
Thanks to all of you,friends,and family,maybe we can set a precedent!
Then,in reality,this might be my last post.
I have spoken on here for 10 yrs.I hope that because I have shared,and you have let me,that when you feel emotionally done,please just remember.......

Don't Stop Believing!

Beli

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

When it Rains,it Pours


Welcome;Yes my friends,2016 has not been good for my family.I have been feeling tough for 3 years,with my situations.Three years ago,I began caring for my husband with his heart.I am 65,he is 69.We have been
Married 50 yrs.Well,I found out in November2015,I had incurable lung cancer.He took a bad Heart attack,on January 10th.He now has to look after me.I am not able to work,so that puts more pressure on.He can not look after our 1 acre property,and,on and on.I have been trying to save to pay for funeral,but never seems to work out.
It is so hard to actually pay,plan your own funeral.
My government paid me 500$ a month on disability,and when I turned 65 last month,they cut my cpp pension to 62$.Now,tell me,How does a woman with cancer alone live in Canada with 62$.This has just happened,and I intend to challenge this,so send me hope,Yeah!
Well,physically,I am so tired.I am scared to lie in my bed,just waiting to die.I have no doctor,just the main cancer care people.They do not see me anymore.They spent an hour,with no compassion and sent me home. I am to wait for the pain,then go to emergeny care,T!he organs will shut down one at a time,come when you have pains..Unbelievable!
We are losing our home,our car.I could see the car,but we are rural,and couldn't live without transport.
I know my regular readers over 10 yrs,are saying,she's angry,and your right.
Maybe this post isn't as positive,but it doesn't mean it not.
So Remember til next time
Don't Stop Believing.
Believe

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Fatal Diagnosis

Welcome.The chest scan,the PET scan,and the Brochial
Biopsy revealed that the subcarinal lymph node has a large mass on it.It is a lymph node just below the trachea(wind pipe),on a branch with other nodes.
I saw the cancer care team radiologist,and he said he would do aggressive radiation,but I have too much lung volume loss from my lobotomy in my first stage.
Lung cancer in 2006.He will not risk it until palliative,as it would leave me on oxygen or kill me.
Then I saw the chemo doctor,and he said my cancer was incurable in me,because my body is not healthy enough,and it would not cure it anyway.He also told me,first appointment,Get your will in order,and ask for a DNR order.Wow!I didn't have a hope.I feared going on chemo,but now I am sad I am unable to stay here a little longer.
Yes,Remember my motto,I will Not stop Believing,and again,enjoy every minute,not day,or week,but minute,being grateful.
I have been unwell for a couple years.Very tired,a tiredness I have never known before,lost a lot of weight.I am only 99 pounds.I am not a big lady,but was around 114lbs,in good health.
I put off my symptoms to other causes,so I am in shock,to tell you the truth.I thought I just might need some iron.
My lung cancer from 2006,had no showing of symptoms til last year,but I never got a scan.
Now that this is a reality wake up,I am sure my feelings,my health,my questions,my stress will become my final days.The odds are not good,they say 2 months,maybe.I am scared.
I hope I can share with you so if you are going through this maybe we can relate.
Just catching you up on this new journey,my friends.
Keeping it short,but will post regularly with regard to my state of affairs.

So Remember
DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

The Beginning of the End


Welcome back my loyal friends.After Ten years of cancer free Lung Cancer,it's back,not curable,stage 3 Adenocarcinoma.
I just got told all this.I found last time 2006,that speaking to you,was the way I stayed together.Your prayers,kindness and empathy,were my spiritual guardians.
I hope to share the emotional,and physical sides of "End of Life".Most of all the spiritualism.
I have had many close calls of death,as I have written for 8 yrs.
There are amazing blogs on line now,since I started.I type with one finger,and am not to tech,so please bare with me.
Short post,to let you know,I am here for you,and hope you are there for me.
I am not in the blogging business,just a person who can express through words,what I feel inside.
Please checkout my past posts to see how I got to here.
And Remember;

Don't Stop Believing!

Believe