Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mine is;To Do or Die

Hello Everyone.
I am now starting to accept all the trials I have in front of me.I suppose the not dealing with everything finally has caught up to me.
I found out ,after waiting in fear for four months,that the MRA test I am having on May 25th is Not the operation on the kidneys.I was under the assumption that they were going to put a stent in my renal artery that day.It turns out this is the test to focus on the renal area and determine whether or not to operate.The previous test revealed renal stenosis,enlarged bile duct,and the damaged liver.When they finally make the diagnosis,it will be the time to run and hide or face it.
If I run ,I face kidney failure,or at least having to go on a dialysis machine for the rest of my life.If I have the stent put in the renal artery,I risk complications of infection,that could be fatal.I suppose I am dead if I do and dead if I don't.What a decision,that really is up to me.I hope my doctors will choose the right way,but it is going to ultimately be my decision,isn't it?I will play that hand,when it is dealt.
Further tests with regard to my lung cancer are being planned.I see a doctor for my emphysema soon as well.They are saying I will be going on oxygen,but I still am breathing,and that is good enough for me.I know I can't do too much without getting breathless,but I really don't have too much to do physically anyway. The heat kind of gets me down on some days,but the air conditioning works too.
Yes,that's me.I sure do like side stepping the truth lately.My positive attitude has needed to kick in a lot more of late,but it works.
I think of how fortunate I am.My pain is bearable,I am still living a normal life.I am able to get around without an oxygen tank.
When I was stricken with "Bell's Palsy" in 2000,I suffered a slight defect in the nerves of my upper lip.I have heard of so many others that suffered far more severe effects.My stroke this year has left a few effects on me,but again,not as severe as some and not fatal,like so many strokes are.My lung cancer is still at stage 1.It has been four years.How wonderful is that!
You see,If you see things on the possitive ,it can lift your spirits a lot.

Remember,til next time



Saturday, May 08, 2010

Lungs in Limbo

Oncologist for my lungs was seen last week.The lung cancer has shown up again on the chest x-ray.That fear I have had every 4-6 months has come true.The situation now is to have further tests ,as he doesn't trust just the chest one.He wants a CT scan,which will distinguish the difference of a tumor or no tumor.He thinks that the emphysema is very bad and that I have a scar from recent pneumonia,so there is still some hope on that.On either of those possibilities it is hard for me to know which one I Hope it is.I have been definitely left in limbo.
My breathing seems to be getting worse now.I try to blame it on old age,but I am not that hold.I already have to face the fact that I smoked for 40+ years and caused most of this.Lungs are sure important,and I guess we take them for granted some time.I can't repair my lungs,but I still might be able to save my life.My doctor will probably preform another "lobectomy",a removal of the lobe of the lung.He has warned me that I will be on oxygen after the operation.If I make the operation.I am considered high risk for surgery at this point,so he might go the chemotherapy route.Of course,I am just thinking out loud now,cause I won't really know anything for a while,as we all know,the system is backed up.
I am also in a kidney limbo as well.They have me booked for an MRA on May 25th.That is a Renal Angioplasty, that is invasive surgery.I am so petrified .I have read and heard from my doctors that there are risks and lots of complications.They say I have "Renal Stenosis",that is narrowing of the renal artery that leads to the kidney.They do this so my blood pressure quits getting so high and has a chance to cause another heart attack or stroke,and because if the artery gets shut off,I will die of kidney failure.Here is my dilemma.I am not in any pain,so I do not want to go.I feel that when I am hurting they can do that then.What do you think?What would you do?
This might be a case of the risks out weighing the benefits.
My idea of handling all this stuff on my plate right now,is to go sit outside,listen to the birds as they mate and nest,and forget about things for awhile.
Thanks again for listening.

We have lost another cancer friend,Marilynn,from the website
There are some beautiful writings there to read on the blog.My heart goes out to the family.
I would also like to Thank You Karen and everybody that contributes for the wonderful informational site at
I have learned a lot about my COPD from the wonderful stories and facts that you share.
Remember til next time




welcome.It is a blessing to be here with you today. I will begin from the last post .It has been awhile since I posted and hope I can catch...