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Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am Scared,but not because of Halloween

Hello all!Thank you Sue,and the best of luck in the future, and all the others that left a comment.All of your well wishes and prayers,really make a difference in my life.I really do not have a lot of friends.My husband retired a few years ago,and that is when I got ill.We have always spent most ,in fact all of our time together,so sometimes now it gets a little too quiet.So,Please keep writing,I appreciate it.
I am having such respiratory problems lately.
I am dealing with Pneumonia,again.In fact since May,this is the third time.NOT GOOD!
I have the part of my lung removed,and I have severe Emphysema.I am very frightened that I will be going on oxygen in the very near future.I really am in dire straits.
Last month I could walk around the malls,today,I am having a hard time to even bend over.With the H 1N1 out,I really do not think I want to go to an emergency room,because of all the germs floating around in there.I have all the signs of that flu,and definitely have the horrible aches and pains,that could just be the seasonal one,I hope.
I am also a prime candidate for the shot,and we have run out of supply.I am one of the unlucky ones who didn't get it.
I was afraid at first to take the shot,as with pneumonia and the flu already,I was sure it would kill me or something.
So,I am sitting here quite worried,but I feel that in the bigger picture,with the pandemic now,I do not think I would triage very quickly.I have therefore decided to lock myself up away from the main stream,til it all dies down.
I have my blog to write and more time to educate myself.
My surgeon is now talking about removing another lobe from my lung.It will make me have to stay on oxygen,and the risk of the surgery is very high.
I am almost inoperable.
I have severe Emphysema,I have had a heart attack,I have had an aneurysm of the Brain,Hypertension that is not under control,as of yet,and a liver that will not tolerate even the chemicals needed for the anesthesia.
Oh Yeah,I feel I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place,but lets face it,there isn't much of a choice.That is all I will say about it now,cause I already have too much on my plate.
NO,This Cancer is NOT FUN.
I am still trying very hard to keep positive,although this post doesn't sound like it.I still look forward to every morning,and thankful that I have been given another day.
My new normal is getting worse,but again,I know there are others worse off than me.
To see me in person,you would never know anything was wrong with me.I actually look better now,than ten years ago.The reason for that is that I quit drinking after being diagnosed with "Cirrhosis of the Liver"in 2002.
I really am not a whiner,and my pain threshold is pretty good.I also do not want to paint a pretty picture of what cancer is like,It is Not.
I believe it really makes a big difference how you deal with everything in your mind.If you feel miserable inside ,it will make the outside worse.
When the pain in my back is so bad,I put on a movie.It really does help to take your mind of it for awhile.
SO,Til next time ...

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

2 comments:

ladyashely said...

hi..your blog is so amazing,..i know you can do it.just always pray...thanks for having share your blogs..thanks again.Elizabeth Wilcox

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Elizabeth Wilcox

Vicky said...

I'm so glad you took the time to write, by reading your previous post I had impression that you were going through a rough time emotionally, tell us how you feel anytime, we are here to validate your thoughts as well as to learn from your sunny disposition.