This morning I am contemplating.I am not sure if I am sick or well.It seems to me that all the real stuff like "lung cancer' and "emphysema" have got me thinking that I am in pretty bad shape.The thing is I do not feel as bad,yet,as it seems to say.
I have good days and bad days.I am limited on some things.The confusion comes with the waiting.
I do not want to wake up every day and feel that this might be the end.I have not had cancer before,so I really do not know the symptoms that will tell me it is over.
I still try to plan the week,month or following year.I am still thinking positive.
I am not that knowledgeable as to the step to step,day to day,progress on this disease.I do shudder though as I read all the clinical reports on here,and talk to friends who have lost loved ones.
I know this is going to hurt.I know that it will hit fast and hard.I also know I do not want to KNOW!
I do want to be fully educated on "lung cancer",as far as medical facts go.I allow myself to keep up to date as far as doctors appointments and such.I allow myself to sort of think,once in a while,about a will I should possibly make.
I do not want to allow myself to see into the future where I am saying good-bye to all the people who I have loved.I do not allow myself to think of the horrible physical pain I will be in.
But I am starting to Allow myself to accept this;
Now comes the dealing with it part.I have written a lot of posts on here and we all know that most of them are positive,but I am starting to think that some of them should start to be negative as well.
I know that I am not going to go through this like a magic ferry .I would like to,but that wont happen.
Maybe this is the acceptance stage.I am not too sure I am going to like this one.
I would like to Thank You all again for dropping by and leaving the wonderful,caring,and genuine comments.
I also welcome you to write me and let me know how you feel about this post or any of the others.I like feedback!
DON"T STOP BELIEVING!