LUNG CANCER LIFE:

LUNG CANCER IS SCARY STUFF Imagine finding yourself reading this.How would you feel? This is the pathology report that I received after they removed a lobe from the right lung.It is called a lobectomy,or wedge section. I did not feel any pain before or after really. I was diagnosed with pneumonia first ,then they discovered the tumor.It was 2 inches long by then. They were able to remove the cancerous part.I was very blessed and lucky that they found it on time. I did complain a lot about pain in my back about a year before.I smoked for 44 years and kind of thought that it was my lungs.I told doctors then that my back hurt and I thought it was my lungs,but they just told me my lungs were not in my back.I think maybe they should have taken a closer look. The operation might have turned out not so good,as I had previous complications.I recovered quickly and returned home in four days.I have a big scar ,but I am still alive. There are more adventures to the waiting room quite often for me...

My Mother passed away a few days ago.I never told her that I had "Lung Cancer".That was the hardest thing for me,but the best for her. One would think that a daughter would automatically tell her mother that she was ill and was going to die soon.I did not say a word. This death of my mom is a hard one.It was a blessing though,as she did not suffer and just fell asleep,knowing she would be with her loved ones soon.It is very hard on me,because there are things I never told her. I know that by not telling her,it was the most unselfish thing I have ever done.It would have killed her.How do I know that? She would take my face in her hand,quite often of late,and tell me"Darling,Please take care of yourself as it would kill me to lose you,as parents must die before their children". She came to visit me shortly after my lung was removed.I had a scar of twelve inches and the look of staple marks on my back.She would sleep with me at night,and wonder why I did not change ...

Yes,I still have stage 1 "Lung Cancer".The name of this condition is scary in itself.It sure makes you feel like there is no point in trying to move on,when the odds are so against you in this Fatal disease. I can tell you now,Please do not ever feel that way. I have spent the last seventeen months thinking I was dying every minute of everyday.What a waste of time. They say you go through certain stages of grief. I had the ANGER when I was told I needed an operation to remove the cancerous tumor on my lung.It was at a stage in my life where I finally had time for me.My kids had moved out and my husband had retired.I was mad because it would take time to heal,and I was afraid that I wouldn't.I knew I would have to slow down,and I knew that my spirit had been killed. I am still in DENIAL, but only when I need to be,to get me through.I have learned that if we" think it so be it". When I do wake up in the morning and I do not think of death,that is my way of preten...

THE WAITING ROOM It is so quiet, you can hear the breaths of others clearly.My heart is missing beats and fluttering.I try to speak to announce my arrival at the clinic,and the receptionist tells me to take a seat.There are many others there.It is a respiratory clinic in "Winnipeg,Manitoba",and I am here to see my surgeon.The room is filled with others much worse off then myself.I see oxygen tanks.I see my future.I will sit here now,and somehow,I will wait til I hear my name called.I am in a moment.I will not have this again. I am handed a form to give to the man who gives xrays.I walk down the hall and I am told to change into a gown,of course,done up in the back,and waist down ,off.I have had an xray by this man before,and I feel comfortable.I forget the importance of this,for a moment.I am so spaced out,that I head for the waiting room in my gown to see my doctor.How embarrassing. My mind goes back to the day of my operation.I see that on the wall of the waiting room is a ...

I faced my greatest fear again today.I saw my surgeon about my lung cancer.He,is not the fear,but the xray that holds my latest test result,is. I have been going to see him every few months for the last fifteen months.I am praying today that he won't want to see me for awhile.I understand that as more time passes the appointments become less often. I wait to be called and I see the assistant doctor who assesses me and puts the xray into the light.He doesn't look shocked or surprised to see the picture.We continue our assessment,and then he explains a bit about the xray.He tells me that the rib cage is larger on one side.He explains that the result is of the emphysema,or COPD.I have not asked him about the return of the cancer.I will wait til the real doctor walks in. The moment is here.My doctor looks at the xray as I shake his hand.He says we can make the appointment for six months now.I can almost not swallow.I have been given another CHANCE.The cancer has still not invade...

Two more weeks until I see the surgeon.I am sure I have had to go through this at least fifteen times.I am really not complaining,because I know the alternative was Death. You see,I have to have a chest xray every four months to determine if the cancer is spreading from my lung. I practise for the moment.I see myself being told that I have stage 3 or 4 lung cancer.I wonder what will I do? Will I change my life ,or will it change for me? When he tells me,will I cry?Will I scream? I will make promises again to myself,I will sink into my chair in the waiting room,and I will pretend to myself that I am not there. I wonder when they tell me,if I will have to go to chemotherapy,what I would do. If I will only live a little longer,I would be afraid to get so sick from the treatment.I have heard some horror stories from others who are in therapy. We all think we will know when the time comes.I wonder if I will ever "Throw in the Towel? I am still young and I still feel that I have so man...

When I first started writing this blog two years ago,it was called"My First Breath". Now I will tell you the reason for this title"Wasted Breath". When I was first diagnosed with Lung Cancer,I think I went into a mental coma.The shock of the news lasted for 2 weeks until the operation on my lung was over. I did see my life flash before me. I did not just see it flash once but many times a day. But Behold!The removal of the two inch cancerous tumor was removed successfully,with the removal of my right lobe of the lung. I now needed new plans. I knew then that I had died many times in my mind,so now I needed to live.Hence the title"my First Breath". In the here and now though,I am starting to think that I Wasted that Breath. At first,be ever so Thankful,I thought that I could give back.I was going to volunteer with a cancer facility,get exercise and basically change my ways. I think now I might be suffering from a little bit of punishment for not doing so. I...