I'm thinking,I should be dead.

Confusing thoughts run through my head.

This threat of death looming over me for years.In 2002,the" cirrhosis of the Liver"diagnosis.I was given three months to live.I decided to live to the fullest.I gave up drinking and my liver returned to semi normal.It took me another 3 years to put on some weight and try to do a lot of catch up.I had lost a lot of aquaintances from that past and was fighting to get a job and meet new people.I was already being told at that time that I was too old.I was 52.

Since 2002,I have been diagnosed with emphysema,angina,hypertension and fibromalgia.

Wow,Why am I here.??

I wonder if I had already become"hardened">Two years ago,to the day ,when my Doctor told me I had "Lung Cancer".

I was just on my way back up, only to face this dark cloud,once again over my shoulder.

I lived dead for 5 years.I wrote several wills.Every time I would start to make plans,I had to tell myself not to.

I used to have passions.Now I have moments that I must imagine.

I do not think we should be told that we are dying.Then I wonder if sometimes we need to hear something like that to keep us Living.

I am very fortunate to still be here after 2 years.I am so Thankful and so very blessed to have been given so many chances.

I know positive thinking works.I also know that pain is there and it is so hard to deal with.

I know if you are reading this blog,then you or someone you love have probably had lung cancer.

I also know people that cant even think positive,because they are really dying.They have bodies that are quitting.

I also believe in prayer.It has helped me.

Thank You for letting me ramble on......

Doctors check up Feb.1.Getting another xray.I will find out if and where the cancer has spread.

Til Later........




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