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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

TERMINAL DIAGNOSIS:FACING the FACTS

Hello,Welcome to my blog on lung cancer,and other diseases that wreak havoc with ones' body and mind.

I have written lately of all the diagnostic tests that we have to determine our physical dilemmas.The tests that take a long time to wait for to do,and sometimes too long to get the results.

I really am fed up with all the tests,but I can tell you,the waiting is bad and unfortunately the results can be worse.

Today I wait for my phone to ring to tell me the results of an MRI that was done on my abdomen.They are looking for Pancreatic Cancer,Liver Cancer,kidney stones,or any other abnormality they can find.

Yes,Just wonderful isn't it.Now is the part where I tell myself that everything will be okay.If I hear the phone ring,I know my heart will stop for a minute,as I think they wouldn't call if all was alright.If the call doesn't come today,I will still start thinking about what will happen when it does.

Then it will be time to face the facts.

I get these scares all the time.I deal with the results all the time.I will admit though ,I have never had serious decisions to make,as some people do.I did of course choose to have the right lobe of my lung removed to prevent the cancer from spreading,and that was a great decision.

I have never had to be told I needed chemo.I have never been told I had to make a choice to save my life,by losing something else.Yes,I have been blessed.

But I do know that when I was told I had three months to live,I went into shock for quite awhile,and was unable to make any decisions.I was told that in 2002,and in that case,I am glad I kept on believing.

There is not much we can do when the diagnosis is terminal.The doctors can fix us physically,and hopefully with family support we can get through it with a little less pain.
I do believe "peace" is an inner thought and feeling.
I have laid in pain with my gritted teeth,but I have allowed my mind to think pleasant thoughts,and that really helps take me away for awhile.
I write this blog,not as a person who is really suffering.I read other blogs and there are so many more cancer patients that are terminal.I have read of their great heroism's,and accomplishments in their lives.
I speak as a typical patient,anxiously awaiting the next step,on this road of self discovery,Cancer.
There are so many cancers and not many cures.
You might like to read others blogs at
http://beingcancer.net

I have lung cancer,and maybe a couple of other cancers,but it doesnt matter the name of the disease,as it will affect most everyone the same.

Hoping to end on a happier note next post.
Til then remember

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

Believe

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are truely blessed to have the strenght to carry on, I do know what you mean all the hospital visits the tests they all do take their toil I had grade 3 breast Cancer, had the test the day before Christmas and went away on holiday thinking I was a dead girl walking and this would be my last holiday. That was 2 years ago now. I read your stories thank you for sharing, it gives hope to all, thought I had it bad but you made me see we are not alone. I had grade 3 breast cancer went through the Chemo badly collapsing twice then the op and rad. The treatments nearly killed me and I am still in pain all the time two years down the line. But in all the thick of it I visited a web site called www.healthwise-global.com read their stories and bought a CD which helped me every day that I listened to it. From time to time I still take it out when I feel low and it helps. I done the walk for life and will be doing it again this year. My way of saying thank you for still being here
Thanks you for sharing your story visit the web site see my story there
Jenny
good luck with your continued story

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

I was so moved to read this post. Lung cancer is a tough one, tough enough that you shouldn't have to deal with yet another cancer. I wait hopefully for your next post. In the meantime you remain in our prayers.

Whidbey Woman said...

Sending you good wishes.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Keep fighting your a hero. I would like to find out one thing please, You mentioned that when you wher told that you had only 3 months to live, you where unable to make decisions,. How long did that last.
Reason is that I had T4NR1 Lung Cancer and was given 6 months to live, Dueing the nesxt 6 months I was joking all the time , enjoying life and seeing things for the first time. After my six months were up and I was still there and the pain I was feeling was still there even though all tests biopsies, mri, etc, etc, etc said my cancer was gone. I then began to feel like you were unable to make desicions.unable todo anything cause the pain was still present. After a while I felt cheated, cheated that I was passed over, that up there didn't want me. I should not be here and I am but I suffer the pain of my miracle everyday making it, to me, not worth it. Is has been 2 1/2 years now. I was wondering if the mental side of this evers gets better. Can you know make desicions.

Courage to you, i will pray for you

Gary c Belleville

Ginger said...

Hi there,

Moved to read your blog...I wanted to see if you'd be interested in being featured on my charity blog, http://jackieshope4acure.blogspot.com

I've just started out and looking to spread the word. So feel free to visit and have a look around. Thanks so much!

Ginger
Jackie's Hope

william said...

hi my name is billy and i have hep c, very terminal, just dormant for now.There fore i understand the "wait",o well might as well live before we die huh!!!!

cancer info said...

thanks