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Sunday, January 25, 2009

Worry is a Waste of Time

Another week of worry. I had to postpone my appointment last week with the liver cancer doctor due to weather.I have had severe vomiting all week and I am counting the hours til I see him.The test is an ERCP.They will stick a long tube down my throat,yuck!,and they will probe around with a camera.Apparently,if and when they find something,they can maybe fix it right then.I understand that they can blast stones they find and also put in stents.I think they can drain excess bile as well.I am not to informed about it yet.

I am so worried.I know I said I would deal with the diagnosis at the time but it is a very good chance that my problem there in my liver,may be worse than the lung cancer.If my liver has developed cancer,that cancer would be considered secondary to the lung cancer.The liver,I think kills you quicker.

My God,I haven't much of a choice,do I?I am praying that I might just have an ulcer,or even kidney stones.That is bad to,but not as bad as finding out the cancer has metastasised from the lung.
I am not really showing signs of cirrhosis again.I have not lost weight and my skin does not have a yellow tinge.
But I worry.
These physical conditions can sure screw up your head spiritually and mentally.
My poor family is so scared as well.
I wish I could wake up and find this last three years was a nightmare.
The lung cancer in 2006,now this and apparently,last week I had an EKG and they told me I had had a heart attack.Well,That was overwhelming for me.I do not remember having a heart attack.They plan to do all the tests for that on Friday with a heart specialist.I have to go Tuesday and I kind of think they will keep me in for a few days with this "bile duct" diagnosis.My heart doctor is three days later,so I might have to cancel that appointment til I recover from the liver one.
Am I going crazy?How much more can I take.
I can sit here and write this blog,I can walk and talk and I am not on oxygen for my emphysema,so sometimes I feel like I am not that bad off.
I still wake up in the morning and Thank God every night when I have had a good day.
So,I guess I am not disillusioned that much yet.

Lung cancer,cirrosis,emphysema,heart disease,fibromalgia and I am still here.
I am sure there is a reason.

Til next time

DON'T STOP BELIEVING

Believe

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