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Saturday, May 12, 2007

FIGHTING THE ODDS

I have had Lung Cancer for 15 months,and for now I am fighting the odds.The problem is that dying is the favorite and a miracle of a cure is the long shot.I am not saying that miracles don"t happen,but everyday that passes is one against time for me.Time stops for noone.
How do I plan to die,when my mind is programmed to live?
I think I will just keep on living with a possitive attitude and do everything I want to do.I have spent the last year waiting for every doctor appointment to see how long I have left.
It has all been such Wasted Time.
When I die I will be dead and not be able to do the things I can accomplish now.
I am truly blessed at my stage of lung cancer,and they were able to remove the 2 inch tumor from the lobe of my lung.I also have emphysema,but through all this I do not have oxygen.I am still young enough and can get around.
I am now starting to actually make some future plans.I am not ignorant of this disease,therefore I must make plans with in a reasonable time.
I am having a problem with being selfish.I am always thinking of others,and sometimes i feel like I am rushing them with my haste,not to waste attitude.
I want for my family.I do not think of mountain climbing or sky diving,just really settling up some karmas.
I would like to do some volunteer work in the area,and of course I still do my card readings.
I have been reading the Tarot Cards for over 20 years and always meet so many people through that.
I believe in "Best learned is What is taught".I have emotionally helped a lot of people over the years,maybe thousands we are talking.
I have learned so much from them.
I am taking up a meditation class in June,so I can try to stop some of my pain,so not to take too many meds.
My cancer is"BRONCHIOLOALOALVEOLAR" carcinoma.
It is the rarer one of the lung cancers,but I smoked for 40 years.I know what caused it,and believe me I lay no blame on anyone or anything else.
I lead a fast and hard life.I know that I am paying the price now.
I also know that I do not want to die with regrets.I can say to me and to you that "I have NO regrets".
I have had the most loving of lives,I have always been called "Dear,Darling,etc.by my Mother and Father,and I have not suffered any abuse at anyones hands but my own.
Thank You all again for your letters and comments.I look forward everyday,and sometimes several times a day,to your comments.
Doctors check up,the dreaded one on May 30th ,so I will keep you informed,and Thanks again for stopping by.

Believe

DON"T STOP BELIEVING!

1 comment:

kwrenb said...

Just want to let you know that I haven't forgotten about your appointment on Wednesday.
May God's angels surround you until then and forever after.
Please let us know how you're doing.
Karen
http://www.copdandsomuchmore.com